Tag Archives: parenting a college kid

quiet end of summer days

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Maybe with the gradual approach of cooler weather and shorter days, I’ll be a more regular correspondent here.

In the meantime, I am keeping busy but not too busy and enjoying a lot of quiet time to mentally recover from a busy year. And establishing a new normal.

The weather is still warm but turning rainy and the evenings are wonderfully cool. Occasionally scented with woodsmoke. Autumn is stalking the fields.

We have several things on the calendar, including a trip to Charleston and a couple of live events (Marc Maron, Gorillaz). This weekend, on a beautiful rainy night in Detroit, we had a fantastic meal at Mad Nice and then walked with our umbrellas to Orchestra Hall for the Miles Davis and John Coltrane at 100 concert.

I’ve been to Ohio to visit Brandon in his new little apartment and we went to an amazing county fair that inspired so much nostalgia for both of us. We both grew up in the rural Midwest, he was in 4H and while I wasn’t, I still have great memories of county fairs.

His living situation is a little unique (this is consistent for him). I won’t go into details but he lives in a very historic neighborhood and has a ground floor apartment in a small house set behind the row of massive Victorian mansions that are now…funeral homes. He shares parking with a hearse. I was a little distressed at how sparse it was when I first arrived.

We had great fun thrifting to decorate his small living quarters and found some treasures. We also got him a small loveseat and ottoman and a rug, and I got him a plant, and once he has his books and art in, it has the potential to be a charming jewel box of a place.

My daughter is adjusting to her first month at college and I am so proud of her. We talk a lot and every time my phone lights up with a call from her, walking between classes, my heart lights up too. I have also loved curating little care packages for her, remembering from my own fraught transition away from home how much it can mean to get mail.

As for me, I am enjoying the few nights a week on my own. I cook if I want and don’t if I don’t want. I read books on the couch with the cats and drink lots of tea and go to bed early or late. And just when I start to feel a little isolated, Brandon is home for the weekend again.

the prospect of a uniquely empty nest

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My daughter and I are in the car chatting about a friend of hers who is a year younger and just now entering the absolute marathon of senior year. “It was the best year of high school, I had the most fun, but I cannot imagine doing it all over again,” she says, looking out the window. “It was exhausting. And expensive,” she adds with a sidelong glance at me.

One year ago, we were just starting to climb that hill together – senior pictures, senior prom, college applications, and graduation. Today, our living room is a staging area of boxes, bags, and college spreadsheets. We have two and a half weeks.

I read an Instagram post about this, the ‘lighthouse’ era of motherhood. For the past year (way longer, of course) I was in the boat with her, rowing hard over waves and smooth seas, sun and storms. Soon, I’ll step out of that little boat and she’ll sail on and I’ll be on the shore, trying to be the lighthouse that helps guide her from a farther distance. I like the metaphor but the transition is not easy. To be honest, I am not “handling” this on any kind of emotional level. Instead, I am in the mode of putting one foot in front of the other and focusing only on the tasks and the checklists, staying upbeat and positive, and not even thinking about what I will feel like when my whole heart – my person – the little life that has been the driving force behind all of my decisions, all of my actions and priority and motivation – is no longer living down the hall. I don’t know how I’m going to feel on move-in day when I drive there with her and I drive home alone. To make matters more intense, my long-term partner in life has accepted a job out of state, so we are transitioning from a “normal” couple sharing space to a couple that remains committed in a domestic partnership but spends 3-4 days a week apart.

Even though I’m an introvert and have no problems spending a lot of time alone, the empty nest will really be quite empty, once the change happens.