indignation and reproach

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Brandon, being the reincarnation of an English butler, has long been quietly repulsed by the old cat tree in our den. It came to the house when Sarge and Emmett were kittens and has had 10 years of constant cat love. It is built like a Soviet prison bloc, been scratched down to the wood, and is prone to releasing great puffs of shredded carpet fibers throughout the day.

To make him happy I splurged on a new Mau Pets cat tree. He thinks it looks like a work of art and happily spent Friday night putting it together. It has baskets, removable and washable fuzzy cushions, and is taller than the old one. The cats watched with an initial flurry of great interest which shifted to alarm and then distress when the old cat tree was moved to the basement.

So far – the cats have not used the new tree. I’ve promised any early adopter some extra shrimpy treats but nope. Instead we’ve found them in various places to sleep- a basket of dirty laundry. On the floor a few paces from the new tree.

And lastly, down in the basement sitting in the old one looking reproachful.

We’ve started a pool to see how long it takes them to forgive us.

ruminating

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It’s been a bit quiet around the blog lately, but not in our lives. 

The election was of course a dark time for us, as for many others. I am bitter and I cannot understand my fellow Americans. My heart is broken for all of the people who will suffer under this regime of unbridled ignorance, hate, greed and stupidity – gay and lesbian couples, bi, trans and all others who fear for their safety and their rights to live openly and love freely. The migrants who live in fear for themselves and their family members being harassed, hurt, put into camps and deported. Women and girls who will go without vital health care, contraception, and the right to safe abortions. And who have to know that a man found guilty of rape is considered by a majority of the country to be worthy of the presidency. The kids and families who have survived and those yet to be victimized by school shootings and then see the MAGA deplorables wear their NRA pins and show their AR-15’s in Christmas pictures. I’m disappointed and angry. And more than anything I just hope we have the right to vote again in 4 years. 

However, after the election, Brandon and I got on an airplane in rainy Detroit and after a day of travel, were disgorged, disheveled, in hot and humid St. Croix. We spent the next week there, living in a remote seaside villa with 15 other people that I’ve never met before (childhood friends of Brandon’s). I can guarantee you that we did not see eye to eye on politics with at least half of our fellow houseguests but do you know how many times politics came up? Zero times. For that week we lived quite comfortably and happily in that small community where we were mutually respectful, shared food and time and space and resources, and enjoyed each other’s company. I wanted to love them for the people they are and not even know how they voted and for that brief moment I was able to do that. It was healing to my soul.

I don’t know how to reconcile this with my feeling of deep disappointment in and anger towards MAGA voters. I have wrestled for a long time with my feeling that this is more than a political disagreement, it’s a disagreement on fundamental values and human rights. I don’t have answers about how to reconcile and move forward, but I feel in equal measure that this knowledge and identification of community over and above rage baiting means that we are capable of doing better. I don’t have answers. But if anything, the election and the weeks following have made me think that the answer for me is grassroots. I am motivated to be more kind, to seek to understand and build in my community. I want to work less and volunteer more. I don’t want to argue about politics on the Internet or at all. I don’t want to cut people out of my life but I don’t want to suffer fools or villains. I want to defend and protect those among us who need it. I want to do better, be better and more compassionate while also demanding that same compassion and accountability from the people in my life. And to know how to move forward and beyond them if that isn’t given. I just don’t know the answers on how to seek common ground and live as humans and not parties, and truly if those are even the right questions when such fundamental issues are at stake.

That may be the work of years, not days or weeks. 

Sigh.

Now we are getting ready for Thanksgiving next week – we are hosting my family so this weekend will be housecleaning, menu planning, and shopping, in between the kiddo’s indoor soccer games. We got our first mild snow on Thursday – nothing that really stuck, but after a very mild autumn, it was thrilling to see the weather finally catching up. I hope that you are all well and safe and that you have time to enjoy your people and your communities. 

the hibernation time

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The clocks have been turned back and the days are growing short and dark. I have a lot of appreciation for this quiet, internal season and it doesn’t bother me – I find late winter to early spring much more difficult, and actually dislike the very long days of summer when it doesn’t get dark until 9 or 10 – but this time of year is hard for a lot of people including my kiddo. There’s an inevitable drop in mood and energy once the gloom of deep fall descends and warmer weather activities wind down. I think it’s important to lean into it and find the enjoyment as much as possible.

  1. We stock up on firewood and have frequent small fires even if it’s not super cold outside. We have multiple fuzzy blankets and lots of candles, both traditional and battery-operated pillars on a timer. I deeply enjoy the feeling of flickering warm light and indoor cozy as the dark presses against the windowpane.
  2. I use a “happy lamp” at my work from home desk and encourage the kiddo to use hers, too. Last year she didn’t use it as much as I would have liked so this year I’ll continue to gently coax her.
  3. We stay on top of our vitamin supplements and try to eat healthy, seasonal foods. I love root vegetables and all kinds of squash. I drink much more hot tea and stock up on several favorites. (Special mentions: Harney & Sons Hot Cinnamon Sunset, Republic of Tea Caramel Apple, Sleepytime, Constant Comment, Yogi Tea Positive Energy Sweet Tangerine, Tazo Glazed Lemon Loaf, Tea Haus Roasted Almond fruit tea, and lots of green tea bags for the afternoon lull.)
  4. We try to clean and organize our spaces before winter arrives so we can have the mental calm of being organized and peacefully orderly in addition to cozy. (This means the kiddo and I have to do a big decluttering of her bedroom.)
  5. Get outside. This is probably the most important one for me. No bad weather, only bad clothes. Going outside even when the weather is blustery or damp – this is medicine. I’ve invested in some great Smartwool outdoor accessories- headband and neck gaiter – and the proper footwear and some cozy mittens I knitted. Sometimes having a nice selection of outerwear can really help motivate me to get outside. I tell myself that I’m just going around the block and usually once I’m out I want to go farther. I love the look of early winter and love the feeling of being a singular small person in a vast landscape of grey sky. I love the dim, flat quality of the light and the smell of leaves and cold wind. I love the wheeling birds and the rain that strips the foliage from the branches. And I love coming home to a warm bright home when I am done.
  6. Get activity. This can go hand in hand with number 5 and running and trail running are my favorite ways to accomplish this, but I’ve also started incorporating more treadmill walks – even short ones – and short kettlebell workouts. I’ve never liked strength training but the kettlebell is fun and I’ve stuck with it for longer than I expected, moving up to a 20-lb for my deadlifts and swings.
  7. I invest way more time into the hobbies I am passionate about. I pick my knitting projects and have several going at once and have also started cross-stitching in recent years. I have lots of books on my library Kindle hold and make regular trips to my brick and mortar library too. I also make candles as Christmas gifts and for our own personal use.
  8. We have traditions to look forward to. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday and I look forward to running our Turkey Trot that morning. On Black Friday we ice skate at Campus Martius or go to the massive used bookstore in downtown Detroit, John King, followed by greasy fries and cold beverages at Checker Bar. We do Advent calendars during December and have a Christmas Carol movie marathon.
  9. Go on an adventure. I find this time of year to be very well suited for donning a woolen cloak and hood, strapping a silver dagger to my belt, packing a saucepan and bedroll and setting off on a sturdy, shaggy pony over moors, hills, and shire to battle the forces of evil or seek a fine reward.

I am not a toxic positivity person so I also try to realize that it’s okay to have some down days, feel sad, depressed and / or uncomfortable. This is part of being human and the dark and light go hand in hand. I just also try to remind myself (and my kiddo) that we have tools in our toolbox to take care of ourselves and usher ourselves and each other through those times and hopefully make them a little better.

I hope wherever you are, you are looking forward to a safe and peaceful November, in spite of external factors like weather (and the US election if you are in the US). Be well and enjoy this season of hygge.