Category Archives: parenting

senior pictures – notes from behind the wagon

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sneak peek #1 from behind the wagon

Senior pictures tested my mom skills in a way that they hadn’t been tested before. I already knew I could handle a dance and the related shopping and planning. In fact, senior HoCo had gone off well, I thought – the navy blue cocktail dress with the side sash that we’d ordered on a whim came in the nick of time. It was understated and elegant and very unlike the bright sparkly sheath dresses with chunky white heels that a lot of her classmates picked. Her boyfriend, like last year, wore a traditional suit with a matching necktie and polished dress shoes. They looked classic, elegant, “old school cool”.

Senior pictures were entirely different and I’ve been sweating them since her junior year. For whatever reason, it’s possible that I put more pressure on myself with these mom-centric occasions that maybe I should. I am determined to the end of my grit and determination to make each of them the absolute best for my daughter that I absolutely can and often pay a high price in worry and fretting. How do you find a good photographer? How can you be sure of the weather? What the heck does she wear? Those pictures are forever! It felt massive and daunting. The kiddo was fairly indifferent about the whole thing early on while I tore my hair out. Neither of us wanted summer pictures- we wanted fall color. However, between her marching band and EMT cadet schedules, every fall Saturday was booked except for one lonely little day there which I marked with a big circle.

With the help of a 2025 graduate friend, we found a photographer and by some miracle she had one slot on that one Saturday. When the day came, it was hot and clear. Due to the very warm and dry autumn we’ve experienced in Michigan, the fall colors here are very disappointing. We met the photographer- a no-nonsense, open and friendly woman with a brisk handshake who instantly put us at ease. She had scouted a couple of locations and put me to work pulling her massive utility wagon behind them as she and my beautiful daughter strode long legged amidst the small historical village and trails she’d picked. It was hot and I labored with that wagon up and down hills and trails and at one point the sky did open up with rain and we huddled under her golf umbrella while she and my daughter cheerfully assessed where the color might be best once the shower stopped – up that hill? (Please no, I can’t pull the wagon that far…) We saw groups of kids from a neighboring high school descend in small knots for their own Homecoming pictures. I saw many of the boys wearing (dare I say it – rumpled) black pants and black dress shirts with white sneakers, sunglasses, and neon bow ties matching their dates’ bright dresses – definitely not the ‘Mad Men’ vibe that my kid and her boyfriend had opted for, but it was fun nonetheless to watch their camera poses and exchange waves and smiles with other beleaguered parents.

After almost two hours of shooting and one outfit change, backdrops of field and fence, trees and trail and barn and silo and fieldstone and old columned porch, with the weather laying down on us like sweltering August, I had sweated through my shirt and my shoulders ached, but my heart sang. I gratefully surrendered the wagon to the still-buoyant and daisy-fresh photographer and thanked her for what I am sure will be some amazing photographs and memories. The kiddo and I were completely wrung out and the day ended with her crashed on the couch with Quarter Pounder, grateful removal of her makeup, and a bad vampire movie while I thanked the senior parent gods for guiding me through another one of these milestones. 

sneak peek #2 from behind the wagon

There are only a couple of these senior-specific challenges left that I have to rise to meet and the most dreaded one is left for the spring – the graduation party. That, my friends, is going to make senior pictures look like a literal walk in the park.

on summers past

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One of my favorite bosses (my last boss, in fact) loves summer and used to encourage us to make the most of it. “Michigan summers are fleeting,” she would say, “so you have to get out there and make a point to enjoy it while it lasts.” While this is undeniably true, and I loved her for saying it, for many years, summer was just a big problem. Honestly, summertime is just hell when you work, you can’t stay home and need reliable child care – it’s a no-win situation. For years when my daughter was young, and I was a divorced working mom, once school was out, summers were patchwork of expensive camps that I always had high hopes for, but ultimately ended up just being a place to park her while I worked. These were the days before “work from home” was any kind of a thing and clock watchers abounded in my corporate environment- you walk in a few minutes late one too many times, or try to sneak out early, and someone would notice.

I’m a victim of my own nostalgia so it’s easy for me to think that an ideal summer is like my childhood memory of summer. Long days fighting boredom with imagination, books, and neighborhood friends, sleeping in front of a box fan and eating snacks and microwave pizzas and watching too much television before being shooed outside to ride bikes and drink out of the hose and come home only when the fireflies starting their slow blink in the backyards. It should be sparklers and the excitement of a big summer movie and a summer road trip, Otter Pops and bug bites. Nowadays, if you’re a kid with working parents, you have “day camps” to look forward to, most of which cost thousands of dollars, and many of which don’t even have hours that match up with a 9-5 job (unless you purchase additional pre-care or after-care). 

Last night, while I was cooking dinner, those patchwork summers pre-Covid came back to me – how did we make it through? Nowadays, flex work is much more of a thing and if I need to, I can work from home. What I would have given for that flexibility ten years ago! I remember those days but they seem like they happened to someone else. Mornings waking up so early to make sure her bags and lunches were packed, dropping her off, many times with strangers, long commutes to work, white-knuckle gripping the steering wheel after work to make sure I could pick her up by 6pm – even the additional after care would close at 6 and then there would be additional charges and the horrible feeling of walking in to see your kid one of the last two or three to go home, looking as tired and bedraggled as I felt. Then home with her to cook dinner, clean up the dishes, baths and bedtime, only to have to wake up and do it all over again.

And I was lucky – enormously lucky. I had a great job with a great team. I had reliable transportation and could afford child care. What about all the families and single working parents who can’t? I stood there thinking about it and feeling immense gratitude that those days are over, and feeling anger at the same time that the US won’t do better (I almost wrote “incapable” but that is not accurate- we’re fully capable, we just don’t). Could I have done something differently? Or better? What options do people have? And what will it be like for her in the future, if she ever decides to become a parent? Will she struggle with the same guilt and self doubt? I would drag myself naked over gravel to keep that from happening (and no one needs to see that).

As I’m musing over these somber things, she comes padding into the kitchen, almost seventeen, four inches taller than me, all long tan legs and longer glossy hair. If I were to ask her, she would probably just shrug and laugh at some of the silly memories of Girl Scout camp or Camp Invention or the Nature Camp and ask when dinner will be ready. Her bare feet are planted firmly in the present and I can take her lead on that. All we have is the summer we are in and to circle back around, it’s fleeting. So maybe I need to make some plans for Otter Pops, fireflies, and sparklers.

the crazy between-time

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Thanksgiving came and went and we are plunged into that crazy time-between.

It was a busy week. Work is always hectic at this time of year. I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned it here, but my wonderful manager left Widget Central* in September and since then, I’ve been wearing many hats. As the “legacy” member of our regional team, despite my lack of interest in working more, being recognized or promoted, or “getting to the next level”, I’ve organically been slotted into a de facto leadership role. It’s not super comfortable for me but I’ve been in the department for sufficient time to know how certain things should go. I can keep the lights on and provide some stability for my younger team members from Japan, Mexico, and Brazil for the time being. This week was all about intense negotiations to conclude a major contract, researching some new opportunities that bear some potential risk, responding to many inquiries and requests, monthly reports, redlining new contracts and preparing for and presenting at a Committee meeting. My work and calls ended well after 5 yesterday. I have 9 working days left this year although I’m sure there will be emails and calls while I’m technically on vacation and that’s okay if it makes coming back in January less onerous.

The boy cats had vet appointments (Emmett has a mild ear infection and has to have a dental cleaning and possible extraction in January) and on Thursday night I drove the kiddo and another young lady from our neighborhood to their EMS Cadet training. The kiddo has been very locked in to her schoolwork this year and has developed a strong interest in the medical field. She is participating in HOSA (an extracurricular organization for health care students). And the EMS Cadets are a fairly intense bimonthly training in which they learn the ins and outs of emergency medical care. Next year they will actually be doing ride-alongs with Superior Ambulance, although not in Detroit proper. She was named Sergeant of her Cadet class this week and issued her fluorescent orange polo, stethoscope, flashlight and blood pressure cuff and I almost died of pride right there on the spot.

I don’t mind taking her to the trainings because I log onto my computer, settle into the lounge, get an extra two hours of uninterrupted evening work done, and the EMS staff has a popcorn machine and they always make fresh hot popcorn for us…they are funny and welcoming folks.

Now on Saturday, the weather in SE Michigan is still cold and blustery. Brandon put up the Christmas tree last night and although tonight is the town holiday parade and tree lighting at the Governor’s mansion, we are all exhausted. The kiddo has been at a HOSA competition all day after a late night indoor soccer game last night. Brandon is on the couch sleeping in front of football and I’m just as happy to sit on the couch in the back room in front of the fire and watch Vlogmasses on YouTube. The cats have forgiven us for the vet visit and I am trying to finish knitting a pair of mittens to donate to Mittens for Detroit.

Wherever you are, I hope you are happy and healthy and surrounded by kindness and good people. xoxo

*Annual disclaimer that workplace name has been changed for general anonymity.

a few good things

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  1. I bought a cinnamon broom for the den and it smells sooo autumnal.
  2. It has been a very hot and dry month in Michigan yet this evening we are sitting here with the windows open listening to a gentle cool rain.
  3. I just finished a fantastic creepy book – one of the best books I’ve read this year, I think – highly recommend “Mexican Gothic” by Silvia Moreno-Garcia. It was EXCELLENT. So atmospheric with a heroine you immediately are staunchly behind and the most chilling and fascinating setting. I’ve just picked up another by her (“Gods of Jade and Shadow”).
  4. We spent all day yesterday at the first marching band competition of the year. Unfortunately it was 85 degrees with a blazing sun on a high school football field with zero shadow (and zero parking which meant street parking blocks away). Wool uniforms are still de rigueur and if we parents in the stands were red faced and running with sweat then the kids were truly suffering. But I love a good marching band and so I was deeply satisfied and even more so when our kids won second place in Class A competition, best percussion, best color guard, and best in music!
  5. Next week is Homecoming. Insert happy face emoji surrounded by hearts.

I need a few good things today because I have a case of the Sunday Scaries. My beloved boss has moved up and out of Widget Central and I am left with a mass of complex tasks, exponentially increasing workload, and instability. I keep telling myself it isn’t my first time at this rodeo but – let me bury my nose in a gothic horror novel and a delicious cinnamon broom for a bit longer, okay?

the hours rise up*

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The kiddo’s summer job at a nearby plant nursery is costing me a fortune even with the “employee mom” discount. She doesn’t have her license for a couple more months so every time I pick her up or drop her off (or make a trip to deliver something she forgot – hat, sunglasses, sunscreen – or bring her Dunkin’ or Starbucks- because I am a good mom slash pushover) I see some new plant that makes my eyes go googly. And let’s not even talk about the times she texts me a picture of some flower or vine and I tell her I’ll be there asap to bring it home.

birthday month commences

It’s been the last full week of school with all the accompanying hustle. Even though my last real post ended with how much of a withdrawn introvert I am, since then I’ve experienced a burst of vitality. In the past week I’ve gotten the kid’s physical taken care of for the next school year, helped out with soccer uniform return, gotten us pedicures, run a Board meeting, run a Shareholder meeting, negotiated with a major automaker or two, mowed the lawn, met up with my bestie for breakfast, checked out our local art fair, planted, run 10 miles (not all at the same time), and gotten us / her to work, school, and band on time. This is no small feat and my Hobonichi is smoking.

I’m sleeping fewer hours – the long Michigan days have a discernible effect on my energy. It’s not fully dark now until after 9pm and I feel almost manic with vigor. This will wane along with the daylight as we move through the summer solstice but for now I am weirdly – awake.

The other night my eyes opened at the ungodly hour of 3:30 to the sound of a single disoriented bird singing. I listened for awhile, then got up for a drink of water. In the bathroom, I leaned on the sill of the open window. The backyard was bathed in moonlight and it was creeping through the pines at an almost perceptible pace. A clutch of deer drifted in absolute silence through my garden, pausing only to nose among the plants for their evening nibble. They moved like ghosts and for a long time I stood there and watched them, almost unsure they were real. The solitary bird sang on and I thought how odd it was to be awake and see the citizens of night, whose world it is, in this night land, when we are all asleep.

*”the hours rise up putting off stars and it is dawn into the street of the sky light walks scattering poems” – e.e. cummings

long spring catch-up post.

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I hate to make proclamations but the spring so far has been okay and vastly better than the winter was. I’ve avoided making this observation because – you know, the proverbial ‘other shoe’ – but in my little corner of the Internet no one is really listening anyway so knock wood and let’s goooooo.

Making. My only recently finished object is a – dishcloth. (I subscribe to the Kitchen Sink Shop newsletter and every month she sends a free dishcloth pattern!) I am a slow knitter. I have two pairs of socks (plain vanilla on 9-inch circulars) going (they’ve been my springtime soccer field knitting), as well as the Cozy Comfort throw from Homespun House, and I have the Shift kit ready to cast on as soon as I finish the socks (and as a side note isn’t Andrea Mowry just absolutely gorgeous and so cool? I wish I could have that kind of edgy yet laid-back coolness). I’m also really close to finishing a cross-stitch kit (a little A-frame cottage). As usual I have too much stash, too many projects to start, and not enough time, and I still keep finding new kits, new patterns, and new yarn to fill all the nooks and crannies of my dusty little office / crafting space. I need to lock in and get some finished objects. (As usual you can find me on Ravelry as sixtenpine.)

Reading. On vacation in the Bahamas I blew through all seven of Martha Wells’ ‘Murderbot Diaries’ and would have just kept going if there were more. These were sci-fi about a futuristic security unit android that attains some level of cold human observation and affinity. SecUnit (or ‘Murderbot’ as it refers to itself) spends the seven novels alternately amused, horrified, sympathetic, fascinated, and repelled by the humans it is charged with guarding and its internal monologue is (for me) un-put-downable. After Murderbot I plunged into some dry histories (I went through a massive Mary Queen of Scots phase and then some Romanov which was depressing). Slogging through beheadings, conspiracies, doomed royals and the events of Ipatiev House might not have been the best overall choice and sadly my reading slowed down a bit. I’m trying to jump-start it with the new Tana French ‘The Hunter’ but it isn’t really doing it for me yet. (I wish she’d go back to the Dublin Murder squad format.)

Watching. Brandon and I finally watched ‘The Bear’ and loved it. I hope next season we get more of the Richie comeback and more Fak. The kid and I are watching the first two seasons of Twin Peaks (a multiple rewatchable for me, her first time) and she’s hooked. I’m debating about whether she’s ready for ‘Fire Walk With Me’ and you know, no one is ready for season 3 The Return. Maybe if I rewatched it, I’d understand it more. While Brandon is in Iowa during the week, I watched ‘Marie Antoinette‘ on Prime (LOVED it) and caught up on ‘Nordic Murders’.

Life Stuff. As I said, I think things have evened out from our winter of discontent (it was a tough one). Brandon still spends weekdays in Iowa and weekends here, and that has made for some adjustment, both for us as a couple and our family unit. It’s not ideal but we are working through it and understanding (or trying to) that it’s just a season of life and it too will pass and fade into a new season.

I am still dealing with pre-menopause health issues which all in all are pretty minor compared to some horror stories I’ve heard. HRT has helped with the mood swings, night sweats and recurring monthly pain and nausea. It hasn’t helped much with brain fog or weight gain, but I just have to keep pushing through. I try to eat well without restricting, and get out 3-4 times a week either to the gym or for runs around the neighborhood. I’d love to lose 20 lbs but I’m also not willing to head into the land of diet culture to do that, so for now it’s bigger pants. [shrug]

Soccer, soccer, soccer. Spring sports are a lot but this soccer season for the kid was fun and for the most part, laid-back. They’re not the best team but they’re not the worst, either, and manage to have fun and enjoy themselves even when they lose and when they’re playing in downpours or gale force winds. She just started a part-time summer job at the local family-owned garden center / plant nursery and I am hoping it’s a great vibe for her, working outdoors with little growing things. She has a male friend (ahem) and after several years of being at home with us every evening, now, on occasion, he’ll pick her up and they’ll get food or go to a school sporting event or movie. She is hoping to get her driver’s license this summer on her birthday and so I feel we’re on the verge of a big jump forward in terms of maturity and independence…I am alternately dreading it and looking forward to it. She took an AP exam this week, is mostly indifferent about her grades yet but still gets things done. She’s a good kid and we laugh a lot when we’re together, which is a lot, especially now that it’s just the two of us during the weekdays when Brandon is away. I have to balance the feeling that she is my best friend these days with the reminder that I am the parent, as well, and so that’s been an interesting line to tread.

Despite things being easier than they were a few months ago, overall, I am in a mostly introverted phase. And since I live my life as a baseline introvert, for me to say I am in an introverted phase probably realistically means I’m full-on hermit now. I viciously culled my personal social media feeds this winter and just don’t post much anymore. I’ve pulled back from volunteering for school things and the parent text threads. Work has settled back down into it’s usual place in my life, instead of waking me up at 3AM in a cold sweat, and if that means that some days I only can do what I can, that’s the way it is right now. I no longer have the bandwidth to put energy into things that look “right” but don’t feel “right” or pay back in emotional dividends and that runs the gamut from doing everything and more at work to trying to look like the perfect normal active cheerful mom in the neighborhood and school community. Hustle culture, social media pressure, competitiveness and comparison – it’s all real and I’ve had to seriously duck back into my introvert shell and focus on us – my little family – and how it feels instead of how it looks. We do our own thing and for us right now that’s healthy and positive.

fine, better than fine (HoCo 2023)

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It’s been a blur since Friday afternoon. Homecoming weekend for my daughter’s high school meant a Friday parade and tailgate, a rainy football game, and a busy Saturday getting her ready for the school dance.

The weather was fine for the parade and band parent tailgating but as the evening progressed, a band of bruised-looking clouds intensified on the edge of the sky and by the second quarter, they burst. The temperature dropped and sheets of rain billowed in the stadium lights. An umbrella pinwheeled wildly across the field (thankfully not hitting any of the color guard or getting caught in the bass drum). I ensconced myself in a plastic poncho and loaned my blanket to a blue-lipped kid behind me wearing only shorts. The band, weirdly, sounded the best I’ve heard them this season – maybe they just wanted to get the hell off the field.

Saturday morning dawned crisp and blustery. This whole Homecoming thing has changed a lot since I was in high school. The kiddo’s big obsession was her nails. She wanted a full set of acrylics and went online, booked the appointment, and had the confirmation sent to my phone. As I said to friends, I have entered into what could potentially be the golden era of my parenting: when I just have to pay for things and wait in the car.

I wish I could post pics of her and her boyfriend but I keep her face off the blog since this is my story, not hers. But she looked gorgeous in her black lace dress – her boyfriend was dashing in a black jacket. There were pictures at my house with his mom, there were corsages, and her friends arrived – a group of sweet, scary smart and very eclectic and talented kids (who instantly recognized that I was listening to Miles Davis), took pictures in the park under the swirling sun and clouds and leaves and rain, had dinner at the pub and went for slurpees after the dance was over.

I waited up for her and when she got home, she immediately cast off her high sequined shoes and dropped into the couch with Sarge. The evening was fine, better than fine, quite fun. I made her grilled cheese and we talked until she couldn’t keep her eyes open.

Life with a teenager is hard and there are ups and downs. You walk a fine line of being involved and staying clear; living vicariously through them and also trying to teach them how to rely on themselves. They push you away and pull you close with dizzying speed. There are wild emotions because their brains haven’t developed and are flooded with chemicals. And so when we have times like this, when everything is just fine, better than fine, you take a deep breath and say a prayer of gratitude.

dispatch from a disjointed july – tour de france, camp, and cologuard

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July is strange – the whole month feels like a weird suspension of normal routine, with the 4th holiday, many people in my office taking vacations, the kid at camp, and the Tour de France. This week felt particularly disjointed – bouts of torrential rain and oppressive humidity, two very productive and busy office days, and many hours spent with the Tour.

The Tour has been good this year except for my overwhelming disappointment that Mark Cavendish – an oldster at the ripe age of 38 – crashed out and broke his collarbone in what he’d declared was his last TDF before retirement. He was trying to break the record of the most stage wins (he’s currently tied at 34 with Eddie Merckx). It was a good lesson not to get too attached to any one rider or team because it’s a fairly brutal sport and you can love someone and they can get knocked out in a millisecond and then you still have endless stages ahead of you to feel disappointed. In addition to the 4-5 hours a day viewing the stages, we also spend another 1-2 hours listening to Lance Armstrong’s podcast The Move to analyze each stage. Yes, I know that Lance is a douche but since it’s very difficult to find any mainstream news coverage of the Tour, my July is filled with his mellifluous boasting and I’ve come to enjoy it heartily.

In other news this week – solid office days (office days have become a vital part of my week and although I enjoy my work from home days, I’m finding that I need the anchoring of a couple in-person days, too), fresh salads from the new office lunch delivery service, a couple of exceptionally humid morning / lunchtime runs on work from home days, and doing my first Cologuard. This may be TMI but you know, health matters. It feels inappropriate to poop in a jar and have to take the conspicuous box to the UPS store (they could at least give you an anonymous box) to mail it somewhere – but that’s life these days. And dear God, those Cologuard people will run you to the ends of the freaking earth to get that jar back. I think I got at least twenty calls, emails, and texts from that happy little toilet so I was relieved to be able to dump it on the UPS counter and be done with the damn thing.

The kid has been at camp with no phone. She’s written a few letters, and I purchase email credits so I can send her an email every day that she’s gone. In one of her letters, she described writing snail mail letters to me like ‘screaming into a void and not getting any answer back’ and that’s how I feel about the daily emails I send her, too. So imagine my surprise when she convinced her unit director to let her call me on Thursday afternoon because she was feeling a smidge homesick and just wanted to hear my voice. My kiddo has always been brave, extroverted, social, and the type who from very early on didn’t want to hold my hand when I walked her into school, so, in the summer she turns 15, for her to want to write me letters from camp and call me just to hear my voice – well, that is quite gratifying for me.

I’m reading ‘A Deadly Education’ by Naomi Novik, which is sort of a violent and edgy Hogwarts school tale mixed with a bit of ‘Hunger Games’ and I’m really liking it so far. It’s part of a trilogy and I picked it up from the library after seeing the most recent one in a bookstore in Cincinnati. I am hoping the weekend will be full of some front porch reading and wine drinking, although Sunday will be a completely lost day as I travel 6+ hours round trip to fetch the kid from camp. It’s worth it – I can’t wait to hug her – and July rolls on.

cinci recap + july goals

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Happy July! The last few days have been rife with terrible air quality from the Canadian wildfires, rage and disappointment at our ‘pay for play’ SCOTUS, and long days thanks to the kid’s Drivers’ Ed. But we are now in July and I have goals.

Before I get into that, though, when we last spoke, I was getting ready to head to Cincinnati with my daughter, her friends, and our mom troop. Unfortunately, my emotional battery did not hold its charge very well and I spent the first ~24 hours with a nervous stomach. We AirBNB’d a massive Victorian in the historic Walnut Hills neighborhood, which promised two floors and sleeping space for 22. We gave the girls the top floor, with their own kitchenette, bathroom, and living room, and the moms bunked on the floor below them. The house may have slept 22 but only if you included couches and multiple folks per bed. This, my friends, is not something I’d be capable of, so I guiltily scoped out a terrible futon in the turret room where I could at least pull a curtain and be alone.

The girls had an absolute blast and between my sick stomach and the endless stairs to haul luggage, food, water, and cooking supplies up to our roost, I lost 4.2 pounds.

Despite the constant threat of storms, we managed to get the girls to Kings’ Island, which is a favorite for my little family since Brandon worked there as a teenager. It was a perfect day – the park was not crowded and the kids didn’t have to wait longer than 25 minutes for any ride. The kiddo has been there before so she played what she called ‘airport dad’ with her friends and gave them the deluxe tour. Even the girls who weren’t too hyped about roller coasters became converts and we closed the park down at 10 with fireworks and the light show. The moms were all impressed with KI – it’s clean and compact with a high concentration of fun coasters and a charming little ‘Main Street’ with fountains, cafe tables under umbrellas, and sweets and souvenir shops under the shade of the ‘Eiffel Tower’. And something about an amusement park in summertime – even the moms got into a lighthearted, almost childlike state – dancing with Snoopy, buying fudge and candy apples, and one of the moms even buying a stuffed Bob Ross doll.

Also among the girl goals was ‘ shopping in cute outfits’ (hahaha – I love teenagers) so the next day, after one of the girls made waffles, we took them to the mall and they spent major bank at Starbucks, Sephora and Ulta. By all measures, a successful trip.

The Canadian wildfires created major air quality issues for us last week, which seem to be diminishing now. The kiddo finished up Drivers’ Ed and hopefully, we can pick up her permit before she heads off for 12 days at Blue Lake Fine Arts camp.

Altogether, June was a bit of a bust in terms of my goals – I didn’t get as many running miles in, or stay in my healthy eating zone for as much as I’d have liked. July will hopefully be better, less busy with the kid at camp, so my goals are:

  • 50 running miles;
  • Healthy eating zone 15 days;
  • 10-minute daily yoga sessions at least 4x / week;
  • 10-minute daily knitting at least 4x / week.

I decided to pick up yoga again a couple of months ago when I temporarily lost my running mojo. I made it to several classes at my local studio. And I was inspired by one of my fellow mom tribe in Cinci, who brought her travel mat and did quick morning yoga videos every day we were there. Even if I can’t get to the studio for a full class, I can certainly fit in a 10-minute daily session several times a week. And since July is Tour de France month, wherein Brandon and I are absorbed in several hours of tour coverage every day, I can easily hit those knitting goals.

I hope everyone is looking forward to a safe and healthy 4th. I am working today, but will be off tomorrow for the holiday and Wednesday for kiddo camp dropoff, which is a 6-hour round trip. Be well and talk soon.

spring into summer

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I always have the best intentions to regularly update this space, and then I finally get around to writing and look back and realize I haven’t been here since March.

So what have I been up to since then? All the things I usually am. The kiddo has gone from her school year activities of band, soccer, and theater to her summer activities of Driver’s Ed (how??), band (always band), and art camp. Work has been busy and I have been active with running (sort of), knitting (probably need a whole post about that), and Weight Watchers. I have been pretty consistently on the WW app yet have only lost about 5 lbs in 2 months…menopause is a bitch.

We saw ‘Six’ at the Fisher, the kiddo had a spectacular run in ‘Hello Dolly’, we got a bond at the local pool club, and I got braces.

And I turned 50.

I started a whole solipsistic post about that and didn’t finish it (you’re welcome). I know age is just a number, but I really do feel a sea change about this particular number. I know I can’t just entirely retire in this decade, but I have been able to begin the process of evaluating where I am investing my time and energy and more importantly, why. During this decade, I hope to be more thoughtful about that and begin to swing away from doing things for other people and more for myself. Less because I ‘have’ to and more because I ‘want’ to. And when that’s not possible, to give myself grace in how I approach those things. For example – can I quit my job? No. Do I sometimes dream about retirement? Yes. But when I stop and think about it – I really like my job and even in retirement I don’t plan on giving up work altogether unless I’m forced to. So is it my job itself that I dream of giving up, or the mental stress and pressure I put on myself ABOUT my job that I can reconsider? It’s more about shifting the narrative about what I’m doing and why I’m doing it. I work because I love being able to financially support myself, my home, and my daughter. I work because I really love the people I work with and am interested in the job I do. I GET to work. However, I also love who I am without work. I have no interest in being promoted, making more money, hustling, changing jobs, or advancing myself in any way other than showing up and doing a solid, ethical job at what I’m responsible for – but putting work on an equal footing with my family, my home, and MYSELF. Not letting it usurp other things I love and need, and take up more space than it should – and this decade, that is enough.

Same with my health. Would I love to lose 20 lbs and be the same weight I was ten years ago? Yep. Am I willing to put the work into doing that? Probably not. Am I tracking and using WW just for the weight loss and how I look? No. I feel better when I consider what I am putting into my body and have goals about the kind of foods I am eating, about drinking less wine, drinking more water. And running. Would I love to set a half-marathon PR that crushes what I could do ten years ago? Yes, but I don’t run because I am trying to do that (or even think that’s really possible). I am not doing these things to flog myself into being something I’m not. I run because I feel better when I move my body and I know that these things give me a greater ability to grow old gracefully in a healthy and happy way.

So those are the big things. In other news, it’s summertime here in SE MI and I’m looking forward to a relaxing evening at home with Brandon and then a busier day tomorrow. The Girl Scout troop (yes my kiddo and her friends are still hanging in there with Girl Scouts) and accompanying mom troop are all headed to Cincinnati on Sunday for a couple of days hanging out in a sprawling, historic AirBNB Victorian, cooking for each other, shopping, eating, and visiting King’s Island. Ten years ago the thought of these 2-3 days would have given me hives. Now – I’ve known these women since our kids were in second grade and they’re my mom tribe. They’re the women I text when I have questions about marching band or something happening at the high school. We are who we turn to when the school is on lockdown because of a threat investigation (which has happened no fewer than 8 times this year). So while this probably isn’t the ideal way I would spend my vacation days, I no longer have any anxiety about it – I’ll load up my books and knitting and they’ll know that I’ll be the first to go to bed and no one cares.

I do have plans for a knitting post and a Favorite Things post – I have lots of little fun conspicuous consumption items that I’ve found and have been enjoying. Whether those posts come in June, July, August or beyond – I make no promises. But be well in the meantime!