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show us your books – november 2020 reads
Happy December my friends and welcome to my first SUYB in months. It really seemed like I’d kept up better with this but blog archives prove me wrong so here I am with increased vim.
As always I am joining our hosts Steph and Jana… you can find the link to join up at the bottom of this post.
It wasn’t a super productive reading month – I only finished 4 books and one of them was quite fluffy. However, these were mostly new or more recent books as our library was open for a millisecond (before shutting back down again during the recent spike). Honestly I doubt December will be much better but here’s hoping!
1. Cosy – the British Art of Comfort by Laura Weir – apparently “cosy” is the British answer to “hygge” and this book goes to great lengths to prove its superiority. This is a charming and very quick read and has a lot of hot beverages and blankets and other creature comforts. A good read if you’re drowsing by the fire with that second (or third) glass of wine and can’t focus on anything with a plot (also might make a good stocking stuffer for that Anglophile in your life).
2. The Sun Down Motel by Simone St James – I read a previous book by St James – The Broken Girls – which was a thriller set in a 1950s girl’s boarding school – and enjoyed it. But this one fell flat for me. A young woman sets out to uncover the mystery of her runaway aunt, who went missing while working as a night clerk at a creepy motel. There are ghosts and a serial killer and a twist at the end but I just could not get engaged or interested.
3. Katheryn Howard, The Scandalous Queen – I’ve read many of Alison Weir’s nonfiction accounts of the British monarchy and also enjoy her fictional accounts of the six wives of Henry VIII. I’m a sucker for good Tudor historical fiction and this one, about perhaps the most naive and careless of his wives, didn’t disappoint. Howard, the monarch’s fifth wife, is young, beautiful, and not particularly shrewd. She doesn’t protect her chastity or good reputation when it comes to men either before or during her marriage to the King Hypocrite and as such is the second of his wives to lose their heads.
4. The Tenant by Katrine Engberg – I recently started following a new IG account called Crime By the Book (she has a blog as well) with some fantastic “Nordic noir” selections. I love Scandinavian mysteries and now my “to be read” list is full. The Tenant was one of her suggestions and I really enjoyed it. A pair of Copenhagen police detectives investigate the grisly murder of a young woman in her own apartment. The mystery begins to coalesce around the landlady of the apartment building and a dinner party which brought an ill-fated cast of characters together. There’s a newish follow up featuring the same pair of detectives called “The Butterfly House” and I immediately put it on my library request list.
So that’s all for this month – I hope you have a wonderful month of good books and cozy (cosy) times leading up to the holiday season!
calendar year
My boss gave me a heads’ up that I should be prepared to work from home for the rest of the calendar year. Given the recent decisions by most school districts in our area to start the year with “remote” classes and the overall numbers and autumn forecasts for Covid-19, I was expecting this, but when it became “sort of” official I still had a moment of startled ‘whaaa?!’
I like working from home and if you’d asked me a year ago, I would have said that having a home office would be a major life improvement. And in many ways, that’s what I’ve found it to be. My life feels way more balanced – no commutes, and the gains in my physical health are undeniable. I’m taking better care of myself, I have more time to spend with my daughter and with my partner, and more time for my own needs.
Every time my company has pushed out the goalpost of “back to the office”, I’ve been relieved. But even though it’s not really a surprise, and it’s the right / sane choice, this is the first time I did not have that secret “yay / whew” feeling. Instead I felt very unprepared and conflicted. The end of the calendar year? That means I’ll be sitting in this home office when the leaves outside the window are drifting off the trees, and when darkness starts to fall in the afternoon. I’ll be sitting in my home office when kids in Halloween costumes come kicking down the street (if there is a trick or treat this year) and I’ll still be sitting in this home office for the first snowstorms. I won’t be worried about snowy commutes but if I take time off around Christmas, my computer will be right down the hall so will it really feel like time off?
In general, I do feel more anxious now than I did at the beginning of the pandemic. I don’t know if this is a delayed reaction, or whether my recent work stresses have had more of an impact than they usually would, or if I just worry more because it’s harder to compartmentalize with everything under one roof – work, love, education, family, pets, finances, chores, entertainment, escapism, etc. I worry about yet again trying to balance Miss L’s educational needs in a remote school scenario with my work responsibilities. I worry that I’m not as good of an employee as I was when I had to show up at an office every day. I worry about distractions and I worry about keeping all those plates spinning. And there’s an undeniable sense of isolation. Even as an introvert, going into the office exposed me to other working parents, juggling the same concerns I was. And there was a sense that I was keeping my head above water the same as everyone else. Skype meetings are not enough to replace that.
I also feel guilty for having conflicted feelings about this. If I had to go back next week, I’d have major problems. The good thing is that among all those worries, I don’t have to worry that I’m being called back to a workplace where I don’t feel safe, and that I can be here for Miss L. Those are very good things indeed, and as far as the rest, I’ll just have to figure it out as I go.
memorial day ’20 weekend
It feels like it’s been a long time since I’ve posted but I think it’s only been a little over a week so I guess that must just be “quarantime”. We’ve gone from miserable, wet, cool weather to upper ’80’s F. and a forecast of 90 today so that’s Michigan for you.
My yard is blooming – the peonies and hostas are growing so fast we can almost hear them, and we have lilacs, which are some of my all-time favorite blossoms. We managed to get our porch containers and hanging baskets planted this weekend, too, with some of my faves: sweet potato vine, Coleus, begonia, and wave petunias. They look a little sparse now but by the end of the summer they will be overflowing and needing constant trimming. We bought our flowers at the local hardware store, which set up an outside, open-air garden center in the corner of their parking lot. They required masks and limited the number of folks inside, and although we had to wait in line for a bit, it actually made it so much nicer once we got inside, because there was more room to shop and maneuver our cart.
Our Memorial Day felt strange without our usual downtown parade and constant flow of foot traffic on their way to the Farmers’ Market, but we still cooked out and went for a run, although it was so hot and humid that I mostly just walked (and we picked a hilly route, poor choice). Brandon and I are doing a virtual race called the Mitten Run, which started on May 20 and goes through August 28. It’s 100 days and you run 160 miles, logging your miles as you complete them, and it’s supposed to be an emulation of the live run by the same name which goes across the top of the lower Peninsula of Michigan – so essentially, you run 160 miles from Oscoda on Lake Huron to Empire on Lake Michigan! As you log your miles and times, there’s a little map that moves you along so you can see how far you are across the state. Brandon & I aren’t super far yet but it’s been good motivation to get us out and building up mileage. I miss having events to train for this summer but in addition to this, we’ve already signed up for the virtual Fishtown 5k which is a charitable event to raise money for historic Leland, MI (“Fishtown”) and if the Crim goes virtual, we’ll do that, as well.
This is all good because I feel compelled to mention that I got on the scale for the first time in almost a year and I was horrified. I thought I’d been doing okay in quarantine but it turns out I am at my highest weight since I was pregnant with Miss L. I’m not entirely sure how this happened – probably gradually, then all at once – but I HAVE to do something about it in the few weeks I have left of mandatory working from home (and after). So I’m back on online Weight Watchers’. Four days in and I’ve stayed within my points every day, had no alcohol or sugar, and have my first weigh-in tomorrow. I don’t expect to have lost, but hopefully I’ve stalled the piling-on and can start to whittle away at it. The Covid Fifteen got me!!!
Anyway, that’s about all from here in southeastern Michigan except that the cats are very happy that we finally broke down and turned on the air conditioning. I hope you are all well and safe, no matter which phase of isolation or opening-up you may be in. xoxo
in which there’s a big dance and a horse race.
April showers bring May flowers, as we all know, but as I sit here on Sunday morning typing this, the sleet rattling on the roof is really a bit much.
Nonetheless, we’ve had a fun weekend that I’m sad to see come to an end, especially as it segues into a short (with Good Friday) but very intense week (with large governance meetings at Widget Central, the organization & execution of which are some of my primary annual goals).
On Friday evening, B & I volunteered at Miss L’s school dance. It’s her last dance at this school before leveling up and it was bittersweet to see all of her friends in their dresses and clip-on ties. Miss L met up with a special friend at the dance and he gave her her first wrist corsage which was met with pink cheeks and shy excitement and was much remarked upon by all and sundry. I always love being a part of these moments for her and that’s why I try to volunteer my time at the school when I can (which is not very much compared to how much I’d like to). After, we all went out for ice cream at our beloved local Silver Dairy ice cream stand (staffed by high school kids and home to a somewhat worse for wear plaster mascot cow named Moolinda) to debrief and celebrate.
Last night, we were special guests at the Northville Downs harness racing track in nearby Northville. B’s childhood friends are affiliated with the organization and we spent a fun evening eating dinner and learning how to bet on the 10 races we watched. We got to tour behind the scenes, meet the management, look at all the cameras and equipment, and even peek in the vault to see more more money than any of us will see in our lifetime. Miss L showed a special talent for picking winners (helped by the trackmaster selections) and I staked her and helped her place a few modest bets which she parlayed into a small profit. The highlight of the evening came when we were escorted down to the track and got to ride in the starter vehicle at the beginning of race 6!
The gentlemen working the starter vehicle (there are two; one who steers, facing forward, and one who controls the speed and communicates with the racing sulky drivers on the track to get them lined up and ready to start) were super kind to us and answered all of Miss L’s questions, and taught us a lot about harness racing. The winner of race 6 was a horse named Liberal which I had joked to B & his friends that I should bet on, considering my strong political views; I didn’t but I should have. I would have made some cash!
Today will mostly be about hanging out with these faces [insert obligatory cat picture below], watching it rain, and maybe doing some prep work for my meetings this week. I hope you’ve all had a lovely weekend and are looking forward to a quick, sunny lead-in to the Easter holiday coming up. xo
ann arbor half-marathon recap
On Sunday, I ran my fifth half at the Ann Arbor Marathon. I have mixed emotions about this run and didn’t really tell anyone I ran it, except my family & a few trusted friends. I knew I was a long way from my sub-2 hour PR days, but the race was harder and hillier than I’d expected, and so I have to put this in the “to learn from” column.
Clock Time: 2:29
Chip Time / Garmin time: 2:27 (11.11)
I ran this half in 2012, in one of the first years of its existence (it was also my first half, coincidentally) and the event has undergone a few changes. It used to be in June; I assume they changed it so as not to compete with the larger Dexter-Ann Arbor marathon. And the original half route took us around Briarwood Mall, of all places. (I vividly remember watching the cars pull in for tire rotations at the Sears store and thinking, this is the best they can do?) The altered route is much improved, although undeniably more challenging; start and finish near Michigan Stadium, the first stretch up Hill Street onto campus, past the Law Quad and out to the Hill; then past the cemetery, and out the rolling elevations of Geddes Road to Gallup Park. We cut back through Gallup around the medical campus, and then through the Arb, where Mile 12 is a long slog uphill on a dirt trail. The start and finish location was my biggest complaint. It was a narrow street near a lumber yard, which made me feel as though we were packed into a narrow box canyon like mustangs waiting to be shot from a helicopter. There were so many people that lines for bag drop and porta-potties were indistinguishable and there were many minor beefs over people perceived to be cutting in line. This could have been resolved with more space and a more thoughtful layout. But otherwise, the course was interesting, well-marked, lots of volunteers; the shirt and the medal were cool and I would definitely do this event again.
I haven’t run any real distance or been competitive in running for a few years now, and my training runs have been slow and steady. I’ve gained weight, I’ve had injuries, and so my goal for this race, first and foremost, was to finish. I wanted to show myself that I can run a half again, and get through a training cycle without quitting or getting injured. I mostly did that, despite a groin strain that proved problematic. My second goal, though, was to finish in around 2:15, which proved very elusive. Although I train on hills, this route was beyond my capability. The initial steep hill tired me out immediately and the long rolling grind of Geddes wore me down; by the time we hit Gallup Park, I knew I was in trouble. Maybe if I’d had a long downhill to regain some momentum, I could have rallied a little, but miles 6-9 were brutal mental slogs of self-recrimination, physical discomfort in my hips and knees, and wondering if I would make it. The only thing that kept me moving during those miles was thinking that B and Miss L were waiting for me at the finish line, and how little I wanted to disappoint them. But at that point, I knew I was in trouble, and all I could do was hang on.
The Arb was an exercise in misery but at least I wasn’t alone in it. Everyone in the loose pack I was pacing with had to stop at some point up that hill and walk it. And the spirit of the running community was strong then; many people telling each other to keep going, “you’re doing great”. The course ended in a nice downhill, where I finally achieved a respectable 9.17 pace, and was reunited with my people.
Despite the poor time on the clock, I was proud of myself for finishing and showing myself that 13.1 is possible again.
I also have mixed emotions about even feeling embarrassed about my time. There are always runners that are faster than me and slower than me, and feeling ashamed at what I consider to be a slow time really does an injustice not just to my own accomplishment, but to all runners who are lapping everyone on the couch.
When I say I’m embarrassed at my time, it’s not because I think that an 11 minute mile is somehow less honorable than an 8 minute mile – it stems from the fact that I know I can personally do better, I’ve done better, and I want to learn and train so I can do better again. I don’t have any other events planned until the Crim in August, which I’ll run with B for fun, not for time, but I want to build my base mileage and do more long runs regularly. I also need to cross-train more, to strengthen what I consider to be my weak hip flexors, and generally build stamina. I know I won’t be back to sub-2 in the near future, if ever again, but I know I can do a better 13.1 and I’m looking forward to getting there.
Cancun
When my summer friend B asked if I wanted to join him and his sister’s extended family in Cancun for seven days, I was initially meh. Despite many efforts to change this ingrained mindset, my first reaction is always to think about the many reasons why I can’t do something- time, motherhood, money, etc. There was also the matter of having only known him for mere weeks at the time of the invitation. Sometimes, though, things are just right, and when he explained the family deal that we would get via his sister, and I realized I really could take an honest to God vacation if I wanted to, I found myself, surprisingly, saying yes.
So here I am in a higher-end, all-inclusive resort. With B. And his sister, whom I immediately fell head-over-heels in platonic girl-crush adoration of, her tall, understatedly expensive, lanky assuredness; her extended family includes her boyfriend’s elderly grandmother, mother, aunt, and several other relatives down to a toddler. They’re Southern and I could not enjoy them more. B and I are perfect traveling companions- we run when we want to run, take naps, read, and eat when we want to chill.
Last night, a bright flashlight moon came through the slats at the stifling hot Mexican cantina. “Full moons are endings,” Aunt Pam drawled darkly, but I can’t feel anything other than happy. A tropical storm will move through tomorrow, but B’s sister has already examined the weather maps, declared it is just a rain band, and booked the spa for all of us. Even B, who will good-naturedly joined me for a couples massage and his and her facials. Then a bus trip to explore the ancient Mayan city of Coba on Saturday, and swimming with dolphins on Sunday.
For the most part, what’s most remarkable is that I’ve left my mobile phone locked in the hotel safe so I only have one photo so far. I’ve not been so entirely present with a situation in a long time. However, I’m sure I will have more to share soon. Until then, que tengas in gran dia! xo
winter nights
The New Year is off and running and so am I. One of my New Year’s resolutions was to get waaay more miles on my running shoes and I am laying down my base. I usually get to run 3-4 times a week so I’m trying to do a tempo run, an interval run, and an easy run and do more strength training. So far, the only event that I have on my radar is the Betsie Bay Frozen 5k which is in my parent’s neck of the woods (and my favorite place on earth) but I also have plans for a duathlon and a half marathon later this year.
The weather has been dicey, vacillating between precipitation of all kinds (we had thunder and lightning at Jax’s house Wednesday) and cold and then unseasonably warm for a stretch, so the best course of action is to plan indoor activities. Knitting and reading and watching Netflix & Amazon are my fallbacks. I blew through “The Night Manager” and now have a huge and uneasy crush on Tom Hiddleston – uneasy because he has a quality that reminds me strongly of the fellow I dated before Jax – and then started immediately on “The Kettering Incident” which takes place in Tasmania. My ex husband & I spent a strange week driving around Tasmania in a camper van and parts of it are exceptionally otherworldly and odd. I would highly recommend both shows.
I completed my first hat for the Pussyhat Project and am working on a second one – the first one it seems shall be worn by yours truly at the Lansing march and the other will be worn by my bestie.
I also finished a pair of mittens with some alpaca mill ends that I bought over 10 years ago during my first and only visit to Rhinebeck. I’m thinking I may need to revisit Rhinebeck this year…my stash can always use an infusion.
I also got some yarn and needles in the mail and I know I purchased them for a specific project but after sifting through my bookmarks and Pinterest board I cannot for the life of me find what I had in mind. Sigh. I’m getting old.
Lil has been getting her “make” on too and took delivery of the bowl she made at a birthday party before the holidays. I am really thrilled with how it turned out and think she might have a future in ceramics. 🙂
I hope all of this making is enough to distract me from the inauguration festivities this week. I am still truly sickened by our President-elect and his cabinet nominees and feel a lot of pain that a large segment of the American people felt that he was the appropriate choice to lead our country. I am engaging in principled dissent against this regime and won’t be watching any of it. I’m not alone in this…our Brownie troop leader pulled the moms out in the hallway during the most recent meeting and told us about an “Inauguration Patch” that the girls could earn if they watched the ceremony and answered questions about it. Our troop looks like the United Nations and the moms are a pretty diverse and outspoken bunch. We looked at each other and one mom, who belongs to an ethnic group that our President-elect has mocked and maligned on many occasions, immediately looked stricken and said, “I don’t think T. needs that patch, we can skip that one. You guys go ahead.” There was no hesitation from the rest of us when we told her in no uncertain terms that our girls didn’t need that patch, either.
The troop leader loves patches and I could sense her distress at the conflict between having to skip a patch and having to watch the inauguration. Then she brightened and said, “There’s another patch we could do instead. How about a White House patch? The girls can learn about the history of the White House instead.”
We all agreed that this was a great alternative and our girls came out from the meeting where they had (ironically) learned about bullying, how to avoid and address it. We went out to the parking lot, cold and dark under a sky full of stars, and I wondered uneasily when our girls would have to learn about the concept of speaking truth to power.
dieting.
lunchtime run + meditation time at the botanical gardens; treasure the weather while it lasts.
So I’m back counting calories and steps with my trusty My Fitness Pal. I launched quite a diet & exercise offensive earlier this summer, in order to be able to wear a bikini on our vacation in North Carolina, but with several weeks of tracking, I really only lost about 3 lbs. I was relieved to give it up after vacation and go back to eating and drinking whatever I damn well felt like. Unfortunately, this has resulted in the 3 lbs coming back on, as well as a little extra.
I’ve always had a good metabolism and weight was never much of a worry for me until about the last year and a half. When I started running a lot in 2010, my body changed, became much leaner. Then, after several years, everything evened out my body got used to all of that running and exercising, and adjusted accordingly. I’ve gone from, at my lowest, most unhealthy point, about 20 lbs under my ideal weight to about 10 lbs over that ideal weight since I turned 40.
Well, I thought to myself, training for my half ought to help this situation. Turns out it hasn’t.
Portion control, meal preparation and planning, and careful assessment of my nutritional mix plus daily exercise – that’s what works for me. I use Map My Run and My Fitness Pal to track my calories and plan my meals. I like seeing my daily food diary laid out so I can ensure that I am getting what I need – protein, whole grains, fruits & veggies, and enough water. Map My Run syncs with My Fitness Pal so when I log workouts, I see the calories come off my day, and I can make adjustments.
The problem with all of this is that food equals happiness and comfort and satisfaction for me. I don’t eat a lot of junk food. I don’t eat fast food more than once every couple of months, I don’t drink soda, I don’t eat bags of potato chips or cookies. But I do love cheese, and if I want to smash up an avocado and eat it on toast or with crackers, or mixed in pasta with red pepper flakes and pesto and olive oil, I want to be able to do that. I love red wine and pizza and bread, and after I run at lunchtime, I like wandering down to the cafeteria and having the chef whip me up a veggie and cheese quesadilla with a big handful of thick kettle chips. I like ice cream and pie a couple times a week. I feel like my mental issue is that I’m not a terrible eater – by and large I like healthy things, but I like them ALL THE TIME. In order to succeed in losing weight, I have to change my mindset from seeing food as self-love to seeing it as fuel, which is extremely dissatisfying.
But things must be done and so for the foreseeable future I will be packing lunch for myself (I don’t love processed food, but a Healthy Choice or Lean Cuisine at lunch helps keep me on track – typically I only choose the vegetarian options, and actually a couple of them – these and these – are pretty good) and planning my meals on my little phone apps and trying to move more and drink more water and not turn into a shrieking harpy because I can’t have my Dove chocolate or large pour of cab sav.
why i run
this picture doesn’t have much to do with the substance of this post except that in about three weeks I will be running past these lakes and no doubt wishing i was dead.
I’m a little over three weeks out from my half and have a 10-miler under my belt. At this point in my training, I am sick of running and my 10-miler did not improve my outlook much. At mile 7, it was a struggle even to keep to an easy pace and Jax, who hasn’t run more than five miles in the last two years, finally got tired of my pace and glided ahead to smoke me by over a minute per mile.
While up north over Labor Day, we drove my race route and I remembered / noted the fact that the entire first half is uphill. I will likely miss my long run this week, and will finish up my training with a 12-miler, followed by a 10-miler, then a taper. My paces are slower, my endurance is less, and it’s certain that this race will not be a PR. In fact, I honestly don’t know if I can ever come close to that magic number again. Every year, it gets harder to hit those marks.
Regardless, I am keeping a positive outlook. Coming back from my stress fracture has forced me to reframe my reasons for running and to try to focus on the silver linings rather than my deficiencies. Why do I run? I love being outside; I would never get out and see as much of the world if I didn’t run. I like the warm afterglow of accomplishment. I love events, the running community; I love strong legs and having time to myself, alone. I love the little victories where I improve. I will no doubt be incredibly disappointed in October if I can’t break 2 hours, but I am also trying to tell myself that it’s better to run and have room for improvement than not to run at all.
Six Ten 