Category Archives: springtime

so let’s go where we’re happy

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It’s been awhile since we’ve had a proper catch-up, so on this early Saturday morning, in bed with a cat, coffee, and a head cold, I’ll do just that.

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We flew to Raleigh last weekend for a several-days-long birthday bash for Brandon’s dad. Relatives flew or drove in from all over the country. We had a splurgy dinner at the Angus Barn, a Raleigh steakhouse staple. Brandon and I split the tomahawk and a bottle of Shiraz and we ended up taking more than half the steak back to our hotel. (Brandon ate it over the next 2 mornings with eggs from the breakfast buffet! Until I finally told him that I thought our refrigerator was not keeping it cold enough to try for a third day and he reminisced about the Simpsons episode where Homer is determined to eat the entire sub sandwich despite it going slowly bad.) We enjoyed a rooftop evening at the ZincHouse Winery eating appetizers courtesy of his sister (this winery lets you bring in your own food! brilliant) and pizza from their food trucks and watching the ‘speed weddings’ in their gazebo. We walked in the historic Oakwood Cemetery and of course that brought to mind the song that inspired the title of this post (see end) which is still stuck in my head. We cautiously crept into the office to use the restroom, and the bespectacled young woman sitting in the sifting light from high many-paned windows with plants and stacks of headstone samples was delighted that we were Michiganders. She whipped out a map and with a green felt-tip pen, showed us where we could find a bit of home; at her advice, we found the grave of Ouida Estelle Emery Hood, who detested Raleigh so much that her husband buried her there in 50 barrels of Michigan soil.

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My socializing is a little hit or miss, and I don’t usually look forward to traveling, but I know for many years when I look back on this spring, I won’t remember the little details. I won’t remember the commutes, the office days, what I ate for lunch or what outfits I wore, but I will remember ambling through the cemetery among the quiet Confederate dead, bright planes of southern sunshine, hearing the mockingbirds and smelling the lush honeysuckle tumbling over the iron fences.

Back home in Michigan, the spring is still launching. We bounce between cold snaps and hot days and the pollen has fallen like a smothering yellow veil (no doubt contributing to my sinus issues). The kiddo and I went to the re-release of one of my favorite movies (which she now also loves) – the 2005 ‘Pride and Prejudice’ and it was even more beautiful on the big screen. Otherwise, she is busy this spring of her junior year with soccer (I wish I could share her varsity soccer picture – she looks like a gorgeous young Valkyrie) and the SATs and starting up her summer plant nursery job and did anyone else know that Detroit has a women’s professional football team? I didn’t. But tonight she and her EMT cadet class are serving as medical support there, so I’ll be driving her and (I suppose) watching my first game.

I hope you are all well. I need to go eat something and take some sinus meds and if I feel better before the football game, I would like to check out opening day of our Farmer’s Market – I’m looking for some local honey, which I’ve heard can help with seasonal allergies. Take good care of yourselves and each other. xo

spring makes me tired.

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I’ve never been fond of springtime. It makes me tired. I used to attribute this to a personal psychological glitch but it turns out it’s a real thing. ‘They’ – the ephemeral ‘they’ who are frequently referenced as all-knowing subject matter experts on a variety of topics – say it can be attributed to different factors including hormonal shifts, allergies, and weather changes. I also think for a Michigander who doesn’t like spring all that much, seeing bare, winter-pasty legs out in shorts the minute the temperature hits 50 doesn’t help.

Whatever the reason, I’ve been doing my best to shake off the lethargy and am annoyed at myself that I can’t. I should be doing all sorts of things to prepare for warmer weather, both physically and mentally, and instead I feel like I’m sleepwalking and still stuffing my face with carbs and wanting to go to bed at 8pm. This makes it a challenge when work is still demanding and I’ve been in high functioning burnout for the last six months and the kiddo has 2-3 soccer games a week that keep us up later and I have a bunch of little craft projects and books and whatnot and I still have the usual household work to accomplish. Anyway, thank you for indulging my foray into self-pity and I know I will feel better if I just get outside or get on the treadmill but dang.

This weekend was especially tiring but in a fun way. B & I had a long overdue date night downtown – we played video games at Barcade on Selden, had a very indulgent dinner at Selden Standard (grilled octopus, duck leg confit, charred sweet potato, house made rigatoni with pesto and chile, and a velvety Bordeaux), and sat out on the stoop of a nearby beer garden enjoying the mild spring evening. Then we wandered over to the Masonic Temple Theater for the Jack White show which was epic and face-melting. It was a homecoming show for him and the Detroit crowd showed their native son a lot of love. As a bit of backstory – Jack White paid off the temple’s back tax bill and saved the gorgeous building on the Cass Corridor from foreclosure. He never forgot that during especially lean times in the city, his mom was able to find work there as a theater usher. It’s a beautiful space and in 2022, Jack proposed to his now-wife onstage during an April show at the temple and Brandon was there and I had stayed home because of SPRINGTIME LETHARGY and I never forgave myself for missing that and now you see how all of this comes back around.

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long spring catch-up post.

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I hate to make proclamations but the spring so far has been okay and vastly better than the winter was. I’ve avoided making this observation because – you know, the proverbial ‘other shoe’ – but in my little corner of the Internet no one is really listening anyway so knock wood and let’s goooooo.

Making. My only recently finished object is a – dishcloth. (I subscribe to the Kitchen Sink Shop newsletter and every month she sends a free dishcloth pattern!) I am a slow knitter. I have two pairs of socks (plain vanilla on 9-inch circulars) going (they’ve been my springtime soccer field knitting), as well as the Cozy Comfort throw from Homespun House, and I have the Shift kit ready to cast on as soon as I finish the socks (and as a side note isn’t Andrea Mowry just absolutely gorgeous and so cool? I wish I could have that kind of edgy yet laid-back coolness). I’m also really close to finishing a cross-stitch kit (a little A-frame cottage). As usual I have too much stash, too many projects to start, and not enough time, and I still keep finding new kits, new patterns, and new yarn to fill all the nooks and crannies of my dusty little office / crafting space. I need to lock in and get some finished objects. (As usual you can find me on Ravelry as sixtenpine.)

Reading. On vacation in the Bahamas I blew through all seven of Martha Wells’ ‘Murderbot Diaries’ and would have just kept going if there were more. These were sci-fi about a futuristic security unit android that attains some level of cold human observation and affinity. SecUnit (or ‘Murderbot’ as it refers to itself) spends the seven novels alternately amused, horrified, sympathetic, fascinated, and repelled by the humans it is charged with guarding and its internal monologue is (for me) un-put-downable. After Murderbot I plunged into some dry histories (I went through a massive Mary Queen of Scots phase and then some Romanov which was depressing). Slogging through beheadings, conspiracies, doomed royals and the events of Ipatiev House might not have been the best overall choice and sadly my reading slowed down a bit. I’m trying to jump-start it with the new Tana French ‘The Hunter’ but it isn’t really doing it for me yet. (I wish she’d go back to the Dublin Murder squad format.)

Watching. Brandon and I finally watched ‘The Bear’ and loved it. I hope next season we get more of the Richie comeback and more Fak. The kid and I are watching the first two seasons of Twin Peaks (a multiple rewatchable for me, her first time) and she’s hooked. I’m debating about whether she’s ready for ‘Fire Walk With Me’ and you know, no one is ready for season 3 The Return. Maybe if I rewatched it, I’d understand it more. While Brandon is in Iowa during the week, I watched ‘Marie Antoinette‘ on Prime (LOVED it) and caught up on ‘Nordic Murders’.

Life Stuff. As I said, I think things have evened out from our winter of discontent (it was a tough one). Brandon still spends weekdays in Iowa and weekends here, and that has made for some adjustment, both for us as a couple and our family unit. It’s not ideal but we are working through it and understanding (or trying to) that it’s just a season of life and it too will pass and fade into a new season.

I am still dealing with pre-menopause health issues which all in all are pretty minor compared to some horror stories I’ve heard. HRT has helped with the mood swings, night sweats and recurring monthly pain and nausea. It hasn’t helped much with brain fog or weight gain, but I just have to keep pushing through. I try to eat well without restricting, and get out 3-4 times a week either to the gym or for runs around the neighborhood. I’d love to lose 20 lbs but I’m also not willing to head into the land of diet culture to do that, so for now it’s bigger pants. [shrug]

Soccer, soccer, soccer. Spring sports are a lot but this soccer season for the kid was fun and for the most part, laid-back. They’re not the best team but they’re not the worst, either, and manage to have fun and enjoy themselves even when they lose and when they’re playing in downpours or gale force winds. She just started a part-time summer job at the local family-owned garden center / plant nursery and I am hoping it’s a great vibe for her, working outdoors with little growing things. She has a male friend (ahem) and after several years of being at home with us every evening, now, on occasion, he’ll pick her up and they’ll get food or go to a school sporting event or movie. She is hoping to get her driver’s license this summer on her birthday and so I feel we’re on the verge of a big jump forward in terms of maturity and independence…I am alternately dreading it and looking forward to it. She took an AP exam this week, is mostly indifferent about her grades yet but still gets things done. She’s a good kid and we laugh a lot when we’re together, which is a lot, especially now that it’s just the two of us during the weekdays when Brandon is away. I have to balance the feeling that she is my best friend these days with the reminder that I am the parent, as well, and so that’s been an interesting line to tread.

Despite things being easier than they were a few months ago, overall, I am in a mostly introverted phase. And since I live my life as a baseline introvert, for me to say I am in an introverted phase probably realistically means I’m full-on hermit now. I viciously culled my personal social media feeds this winter and just don’t post much anymore. I’ve pulled back from volunteering for school things and the parent text threads. Work has settled back down into it’s usual place in my life, instead of waking me up at 3AM in a cold sweat, and if that means that some days I only can do what I can, that’s the way it is right now. I no longer have the bandwidth to put energy into things that look “right” but don’t feel “right” or pay back in emotional dividends and that runs the gamut from doing everything and more at work to trying to look like the perfect normal active cheerful mom in the neighborhood and school community. Hustle culture, social media pressure, competitiveness and comparison – it’s all real and I’ve had to seriously duck back into my introvert shell and focus on us – my little family – and how it feels instead of how it looks. We do our own thing and for us right now that’s healthy and positive.

musing on spring

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The calendar says spring and although the weather is mild, I am suspicious. We’ve gotten some of our most punishing weather in March. The worst, probably, came a few years ago, when we had a windstorm that uprooted the neighbor’s massive pine and left me without power for three days – three days in which the temperatures plummeted to the single digits.

The spring holidays are my least favorite. They seem gaudy and false. There is a deep aura of melancholy to them. Even more since my father passed away in March, celebrations in the spring feel hollow when the world is working so hard to bloom again. In comparison, the autumnal holidays Halloween and Thanksgiving feel so much more festive. They come as a welcome relief, the end of another year. We celebrate the going of the light, put our masks on to scare death, we harvest and we gather with loved ones in the comfort of our homes to eat and give thanks. It’s always been easier for me to celebrate the culmination of a hard effort than the commencement of one. And spring always feels like a hard beginning, much harder than the dwindling season into winter.

soggy tissues and sneezing on the cat

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Well friends, the last two weeks of April definitely challenged me. It was the most important time of year for my work goals & performance indicators, and it was (and continues to be) intense for the kiddo. Her schedule is full of daily track practice, weekly track meets, and theater rehearsals. All of which requires planning for transit, the appropriate nutrition, and very different sets of attire. This in addition to the usual schedule of work, remote and office days, school, regular appointments and meal planning. How do people have more than one active child and stay on top of it all?

After several hours last week at a particularly windy and frigid track meet – ankle deep in mud – I succumbed to the head cold that had been lingering in the wings waiting for a stage cue. The meet itself was well worth the discomfort- the kiddo’s stepmom and I were the only family members in attendance due to schedule conflicts. K and I get along well and I really enjoy her company and commitment to the kiddo. We watched the kid compete in shotput (where she placed first) and the 200-meter (where she took 4 seconds off her practice time). A successful outcome considering it was her first ever track meet!

And I always love that my goth kid is instantly recognizable in a sea of lookalike kids in hoodies and sweats. My kid will be the one warming up between events in a John Bender flannel, skeleton pajamas and a skull blanket.

My subsequent illness turned into a painful sinus infection and really kiboshed the weekend plans. I ran the kid to theater rehearsal and then went straight to Urgent Care. My Urgent Care is the best – I don’t even think they really care if I’m sick. I tell them “I have xx”, they take my blood pressure and look in my throat, prescribe horse pill antibiotics to my pharmacy of choice and I am merrily on my way. I spent the rest of the weekend in bed with Pot Roast. She is a constant nursemaid despite generally preferring Brandon and despising the explosive sneezing that has accompanied my illness. Maybe she just knew that in my weakened state, I could be easily dispatched with a soft paw on my jugular.

Other than sleeping, I plodded along with “Go Tell the Bees That I Am Gone”, the most recent Diana Gabaldon Outlander contribution. 39% in and my quick review: so far it’s not as interesting as her earlier efforts. (Spoiler: someone HAS already been eaten by a bear and that was kind of a high point. And there are a lot of the usual interjections of “Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ” from sassy Claire and sexy Jamie grinding out “Och Sassenach ye drive me mad” which make it a fine book for a sick day.)

I don’t have a finished object to show (I’m close!) so I’ll update you on my crafting with progress on my current cross-stitch.

Hope everyone is well and happy. I’m girding my loins for another intense week and hopefully less sneezing.

quick hello

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Two office days this week and they’re starting to feel more normal. It helps that I’ve been busy planning and preparing for our major corporate governance meetings, which take place this week & next. It’s one of my major work responsibilities and every spring for me is marked with seasonal allergies and board meetings.

Life is busy otherwise, too – the kiddo is in final theater rehearsals for her performances in mid-May, and she’s also running track. Michigan weather hasn’t really cooperated much with this and several practices and her first meet have been canceled due to snow, wind, rain, etc. But still a lot of driving and dropping off and picking up but it’s very exciting to see her trying and enjoying new things.

Brandon went to the Jack White show at the Masonic Temple in Detroit, which kicked off the Supply Chain Issues tour. I didn’t go, even though I love Jack White and the White Stripes – I just needed a quiet night at home with the cats. He went with a buddy and I was kicking myself the next morning when Brandon casually mentioned that Jack proposed to his girlfriend AND THEN MARRIED HER ONSTAGE. I did get a cool t-shirt, but I could have been a wedding guest!

Our Easter was quiet and traditional- one of Brandon’s friends came over, I made ham, green bean casserole, and scalloped potatoes, and there was lamb cake for dessert.

So that’s about it for now – I just wanted to give a quick hello from gloomy wet Michigan spring. Once my meetings are over, I have a couple of posts planned – one to review my wardrobe updates / capsule wardrobe for return to the office, and one crafty update (I hope to have one knitted FO and a fair bit of cross-stitch). Until then! xx

tgif – a week of thaw

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Good morning from suburban Elysia! It’s been a week of mild – nay, dare I say – warm temperatures and the world is mudluscious. My allergies are starting to go a bit haywire but that has not prevented me from trying to fully enjoy the thaw.

The mailman has been bringing some happy mail this week!

Brandon bought the Detroit print and we will have it framed for our living room! He also bought a new reading lamp and we are ordering swatches for a new loveseat for the den. Long overdue. The current loveseat is a hand me down from some friend’s basement, and poorly slipcovered via Target. Still, I am sad to lose it, as it is supremely comfortable, and I had some of the best naps of my life on it.

The mug discussion has been ongoing in our house as we always have too many – mostly mismatched, chipped, cartoon mugs. Brandon is Mr Aesthetic and I can tell this pains his soul but I cannot get rid of the owl shaped Hedwig mug that Miss L used to drink hot chocolate from or my Whistler’s Mother mug from the Detroit Institute of Arts. I did, however, have my heart broken when my final gorgeous blue pottery mug from my mom broke in the dishwasher. I love thick pottery mugs with gorgeous heavy handles. So I got these as a gift to us. Miss L does not like the color but they are a joy to hold and can suffer through all the indignities of modern life such as the microwave and dishwasher.

My mom also sent me a gift – my brand new favorite t-shirt!

I’ve been dedicated and productive at work in the old home office this week and received news that our work from home has been extended through June. I am on our county list for the vaccine but happy to wait my turn as more at-risk populations get theirs.

I hope you have a fast Friday and a long slow weekend! We are looking forward to Indian food and at least one nice run in this sloppy warm melting world before Michigan turns on us again and sends snow back (I know it’s coming at some point! It can’t be this easy)!

Be well and I hope you are as pleased with life as Pot Roast.

squirrels, rain, and baking

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Saturday was sunny and warm so Brandon & I donned masks and hit up the local hardware store for birdseed. We also picked up some corn for the damnable squirrels but they have almost entirely ignored it. We have three black squirrels and my favorite is named Chocosquirrel and although Brandon & Miss L despise him, I quite like to look out my dining room window and see the birds clustered on the tree branches, hungry, looking on as Chocosquirrel hangs from the sunflower seed feeder by his toes and eats it all. I also put together a new bike I ordered from Amazon so now we have two bikes that are actually useful and we can ride around the neighborhood and one thoroughbred Cannondale road bike that I bought in a fit of exuberance over doing a couple of duathlons a few years ago. It hangs from hooks on the ceiling in the garage unused and probably just needs to be traded in for another useful Schwinn.

I drank some nice Malbec on Saturday night and baked a blueberry buckle with crumb topping and finished watching “The Outsider” on Amazon Prime and tore through multiple episodes of the new season of “Bosch”. Today Brandon & I ran three miles (it was going to be four but the rain moved in) and I baked some bread with my sourdough discard and then we did Fakesgiving. I took a page out of my sister-in-law’s book for this – a few times a year she just decides to make Thanksgiving dinner and have a nice holiday celebration just because. I am doing an 8-lb turkey breast, mashed potatoes, green bean casserole, stuffing, and a homemade cherry pie. (I had all the accoutrements for a pumpkin pie, but Brandon and Miss L voted me down on that so I had to concede.)

Looking at the forecast it seems like the rain has set in for a few days but at least it’s warmer. Everything is very green and there are two ducks that walk purposefully through our backyard every so often (Miss L has named them “Damien” and “Delilah”) and we have many baby blossoms on our lilac tree.

In other news, I finally got my e-book loan of “Mystic River” by Kristin Hannah from the library and although I’m devouring it, I’m a little disappointed – it’s my first of hers that I’ve read and I’d heard so many raves over her. Is it just a romance novel?? Don’t answer that, I’ll be done with it soon and will save my final impression for SUYB in June.

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just now

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Pot Roast | sunshine | yawn.

Last weekend it was almost 80 degrees F. here in Michigan and we were living the dream – we went running in the sunshine, did yard work, sat in the green oasis of our patio, put up the hummingbird feeder and exclaimed over our first Ruby-throated hummingbird visitor – imagine that GIF of Leonardo di Caprio in “Great Gatsby” holding up a brimming champagne glass with a look of supercilious contentment and that was me. Now flash to this week, temps unseasonably cold, skies grey, freeze warnings, snow in the forecast for the weekend, and I’ve crashed, hard.

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Michigan is still on lockdown and people here have lost their minds about it. In the past couple of weeks, we’ve been on the nightly news for MAGA rednecks protesting the stay home order toting AR-15s inside our Capitol Building, a security guard murdered for doing his job by telling a customer that she had to wear a face mask, and another essential worker at a store assaulted by a gross old man who wiped his nose on her (I don’t usually read comments on news stories because it makes me fear for the future of the human race, but I did in this instance; best comments, hands down: “I woulda slapped those Stevie Wonder glasses clean off his face”).  I don’t know what is wrong with people here but I cannot fucking wrap my head around it. The vitriolic comments about our governor stem, I believe, almost entirely from the fact that she is a woman, and if it was a male governor telling the state to stay home under similar conditions (Michigan is #7 in the national rankings of Covid-19 infections) – they would not be facing this kind of backlash. I blame Trump for this tone of absolute disrespect and contempt for the greater good – we have a president who is gleeful about sowing partisan divisions and squirting kerosene on simmering resentments with tweets like “LIBERATE MICHIGAN” and ravaging previous presidents (even those in his own party) for coming forward with words of unity and hope. And PEOPLE STILL SUPPORT HIM.

It actually kinda makes me want to stay home forever, honestly.

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I understand that I come from a place of privilege, and while I will never support acts like the ones I detail above, or putting anyone else’s safety at risk for any reason, I have enormous sympathy for people who have lost loved ones or are living in economic uncertainty.  I am fortunate that I can live frugally, support myself and my family, and can weather this storm, plus have the good health of my family and friends.

I am among the lucky ones who can do my job from my dining room table with my kid sitting across from me doing her work. I hate not being able to get a haircut, as I am well into the bushy-haired, mushroom-head phase of quarantine, and I am jonesing for a nice long Target walk with a Starbucks in hand, but I know these things will come in time. I realized yesterday while Miss L and I were out for our lunchtime walk that this is the longest I’ve been home with her since my maternity leave and what a true gift that is. And just for now, I will take it, where I am right now: the moody ups and downs, the bushy hair, the grey skies, the chaos and divisions, Skype calls and Google Classroom meetings, the civil disagreements, the face masks, wearing sweatpants 24/7, watching spring unfold in fits and starts, and be glad.

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