Category Archives: parenting

spring into summer

Leave a reply

I always have the best intentions to regularly update this space, and then I finally get around to writing and look back and realize I haven’t been here since March.

So what have I been up to since then? All the things I usually am. The kiddo has gone from her school year activities of band, soccer, and theater to her summer activities of Driver’s Ed (how??), band (always band), and art camp. Work has been busy and I have been active with running (sort of), knitting (probably need a whole post about that), and Weight Watchers. I have been pretty consistently on the WW app yet have only lost about 5 lbs in 2 months…menopause is a bitch.

We saw ‘Six’ at the Fisher, the kiddo had a spectacular run in ‘Hello Dolly’, we got a bond at the local pool club, and I got braces.

And I turned 50.

I started a whole solipsistic post about that and didn’t finish it (you’re welcome). I know age is just a number, but I really do feel a sea change about this particular number. I know I can’t just entirely retire in this decade, but I have been able to begin the process of evaluating where I am investing my time and energy and more importantly, why. During this decade, I hope to be more thoughtful about that and begin to swing away from doing things for other people and more for myself. Less because I ‘have’ to and more because I ‘want’ to. And when that’s not possible, to give myself grace in how I approach those things. For example – can I quit my job? No. Do I sometimes dream about retirement? Yes. But when I stop and think about it – I really like my job and even in retirement I don’t plan on giving up work altogether unless I’m forced to. So is it my job itself that I dream of giving up, or the mental stress and pressure I put on myself ABOUT my job that I can reconsider? It’s more about shifting the narrative about what I’m doing and why I’m doing it. I work because I love being able to financially support myself, my home, and my daughter. I work because I really love the people I work with and am interested in the job I do. I GET to work. However, I also love who I am without work. I have no interest in being promoted, making more money, hustling, changing jobs, or advancing myself in any way other than showing up and doing a solid, ethical job at what I’m responsible for – but putting work on an equal footing with my family, my home, and MYSELF. Not letting it usurp other things I love and need, and take up more space than it should – and this decade, that is enough.

Same with my health. Would I love to lose 20 lbs and be the same weight I was ten years ago? Yep. Am I willing to put the work into doing that? Probably not. Am I tracking and using WW just for the weight loss and how I look? No. I feel better when I consider what I am putting into my body and have goals about the kind of foods I am eating, about drinking less wine, drinking more water. And running. Would I love to set a half-marathon PR that crushes what I could do ten years ago? Yes, but I don’t run because I am trying to do that (or even think that’s really possible). I am not doing these things to flog myself into being something I’m not. I run because I feel better when I move my body and I know that these things give me a greater ability to grow old gracefully in a healthy and happy way.

So those are the big things. In other news, it’s summertime here in SE MI and I’m looking forward to a relaxing evening at home with Brandon and then a busier day tomorrow. The Girl Scout troop (yes my kiddo and her friends are still hanging in there with Girl Scouts) and accompanying mom troop are all headed to Cincinnati on Sunday for a couple of days hanging out in a sprawling, historic AirBNB Victorian, cooking for each other, shopping, eating, and visiting King’s Island. Ten years ago the thought of these 2-3 days would have given me hives. Now – I’ve known these women since our kids were in second grade and they’re my mom tribe. They’re the women I text when I have questions about marching band or something happening at the high school. We are who we turn to when the school is on lockdown because of a threat investigation (which has happened no fewer than 8 times this year). So while this probably isn’t the ideal way I would spend my vacation days, I no longer have any anxiety about it – I’ll load up my books and knitting and they’ll know that I’ll be the first to go to bed and no one cares.

I do have plans for a knitting post and a Favorite Things post – I have lots of little fun conspicuous consumption items that I’ve found and have been enjoying. Whether those posts come in June, July, August or beyond – I make no promises. But be well in the meantime!

drinking from a fire hose

Leave a reply

My brother recently said that his week felt like drinking from a fire hose and I thought it was such a perfect description of my 2023 so far. As always, there are things that I can’t / won’t blog about but let me just say that teenagers are no joke, y’all. There are times when I feel like a stranger has taken up residence in my kiddo’s appallingly messy bedroom and is stomping around in her new varsity jacket. I know we all go through this terrifying developmental stage and my own parents advised me on more than one occasion that I was a massive storm cloud during my teen years but sometimes you have to live with it to really get it. And kids these days have very different concerns and stressors than we did with the omnipresent influence of technology and social media. Sooo… deep breath, both hands on the wheel.

Likes this week: A mid-week snow storm which didn’t disrupt my life too badly, just laid down a nice fluffy blanket of white that’s been largely absent so far this winter. Looking up at almost 6pm the other day and seeing that it was still light outside (we’re starting to move out of the dark season now). Keeping up with my 2023 reading challenge and finding a new cozy series (the Dr. Nell Ward mysteries by Sarah Yarwood-Lovett) to keep me occupied. Keeping up with my vitamin D and happily finding the missing 3 cards from the tarot deck that my parents gave me for Christmas when I turned 14.

Dislikes this week: See first paragraph above.

This weekend is a breakfast with my bestie and a big football day on Sunday for Brandon, via his team the Bengals. TGIF!

a busy october

1 Reply

This is the time of year I love best. We are still getting warm, honey-dripped sunshine days here in Michigan, but also chilly nights, crunching leaves, changing skies and the smell of woodsmoke.

LIfe continues apace. The kiddo got glammed up for her Homecoming dance a few weeks ago and seemed to enjoy herself, although she did comment that it was really just like a much more intensive middle school dance.

Marching band will take up an inordinate amount of time through October and it’s our main social activity, both the kiddo’s and mine. I had no idea what a commitment it would be as a ‘band mom’ but for as tiring as it can be, I love volunteering my time and hanging out with the other band parents. There are full weeks of rehearsals and then on weekends, tailgates and football games, and band competitions. I help out with uniforms before and after every performance and try not to embarrass the kiddo too much by my presence. I’m so happy that she consents to me participating in her activities through volunteering and I love being involved. I’ve met many great people and we’ve developed a small village of supportive, engaged parents that I just don’t know what I’d do without. I fully confess to being a full-on band geek so I can think of many worse ways to spend my time on weekends than watching a great marching band. This past weekend we were at Chippewa Valley for a competition and despite the chill and the wind, it was an exciting and fun event for everyone.

Unfortunately, the cooler weather and busy schedules have also meant random colds and illnesses and a lot of Covid tests (fortunately all negative so far).

On top of it all, I signed up for a weekly crochet class through the month of October and so for two hours every week, I’ll be working away at swatches and then moving on to a granny square. I have to remind myself that I deserve these times away from work and my family because we’ve been so busy that it’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking I am existing the best only when I’m doing something productive for someone else, and I feel guilty about having something just for myself.

I have so many knitting projects in the queue that I don’t even know where to start – I think I’ll do a full rundown of wips and planned projects very soon because if I don’t start making lists, I’ll forget what I have squirreled away in various bags and baskets.

So that’s the update from my corner of the world. I hope wherever you are, you are doing well and are safe, healthy, and doing things that make you happy either just for yourself or for / with people you love. xo

last week of september 2022

1 Reply

The weather has turned damp and blustery, and the brightest things in the yard are the fallen leaves and the bright mums in pots, all orange and yellow. There are five weeks left of fall marching band season, and while we’re really enjoying the Friday night tailgates and games, it’s definitely a major time commitment. Three afternoon / evening rehearsals a week, plus games, and something almost every Saturday – band competitions, fundraisers, pictures, etc. The kiddo gets rides with friends, and the mom friends carpool, but there are always pickups and dropoffs to coordinate. And we bring food for every tailgate, and I’ve been volunteering before and after games to help the kids with uniforms. All in all, it’s no wonder they don’t want band kids to do a competing fall sport or activity.

This weekend is the big Homecoming parade, game, and dance, and a couple of weeks ago the kiddo and I went shopping for her dress and shoes. Homecoming has changed a lot since my high school days – when people mostly went with dates. My Homecoming dress (circa 1989) was a black Limited shirtwaist that went to my ankles and up to my neck and fastened with a gold brooch. Kiddo said I looked like I was going to a funeral and Brandon said I looked like I was wearing a shower curtain…Suffice it to say, dresses have changed – I think there was more fabric in the sleeves of my dress than in the entire rack of dresses we saw at the department store. The Homecoming dresses now are more like very abbreviated prom dresses from my youth – all silk and satin, strapless and spangled. I think they look like skating costumes. And kids just go – with friends, in groups, etc. The kiddo picked out a jade green slipdress, and gave me major side-eye when I asked about nylons / stockings – apparently that is NOT DONE anymore (I wore black nylons with my shirtdress. Follow me for more fashion tips). She looks fantastic, even though I definitely wish there was more to it – hey, how about a vintage shirtwaist? – but she looks suddenly glam, tall and leggy in heels.

baby sara & bonus footage of our bassett hound cate

I really intended to blog more in September, but in addition to being a band mom, I’ve been busy at work with a major negotiation and an audit, and last week had to take some time off to attend my best friend’s mother’s funeral in my hometown. Time is marching on rapidly this autumn, and the changes around me seem particularly evident, in my own life and in the people and family around me. Growth, loss, change, and fall makes even the small actions of our human lives seem particularly relevant and poignant.

I hope you are all having a good month and looking forward to October. This is my favorite time of year and I can’t wait to hang up my Halloween decorations, light the candles, and make a big pot of soup. xo

thursday night lights

Leave a reply

As anticipated, last week was rough. I went into it without a lot of energy and my sense of stress and overwhelm already at a high level. The kiddo had a lot of activities that made for a couple of late nights for both of us, on top of a work schedule that was pushing me to take on challenges I didn’t particularly want or feel capable of. Everything just looked like a slog of responsibilities and nothing inspired any real joy or excitement in me.

When my kiddo is struggling, I try to impart on her that she’s not alone and doesn’t need to be. And that when it’s possible, the best way to deal with times of stress, overwhelm, and uncertainty is by leaning on people around you and pushing through. Make lists; tackle things one small step at a time. If you can’t run, walk; if you can’t walk, crawl. Just keep moving forward any way you can and celebrating all of your positive actions, no matter how tiny they may seem to you. This is easy advice to give someone else and hard for me to take myself. When I struggle, I don’t want to lean on anyone and I don’t feel like anything I do is worthy of celebration – it all just feels inadequate. But this week, I DID take the small steps. Pot Roast helped keep me company on those late nights waiting up for the kiddo. I pushed through at work with lists and busy, productive mornings – even if I didn’t accomplish everything, I didn’t stay in bed with the covers over my head.

And I showed up at the first marching band tailgate for the first home football game with a big bowl of pasta salad and another newbie neighborhood mom in tow. She had texted me earlier that day telling me she was having a similar week of challenges at work, she was overwhelmed and tired, had never been to a tailgate and didn’t know what to bring; she didn’t even have camp chairs. “Don’t stress about it. Just bring juice boxes – I heard the kids love them – and I have two chairs, you can sit with me,” I said, without adding that her relying on me was like the blind leading the blind.

As an introvert, and a full time working mom, I frequently feel like I don’t need community or new friends, because they just end up being a drain on my already limited time and anyway, I get enough social stimulation at work. But sitting at that tailgate, hanging out with other marching band parents and petting dogs and swatting away bees while eating really unhealthy yummy food off paper plates balanced on our knees, I felt like it was the best time of the week. Even us newbie moms who felt like it was going to be just another challenge to ‘get through’ found ourselves relaxed and calm. No one needed anything from us except to be there and enjoy ourselves.

So I sat back and took a deep breath; I had another helping of someone’s macaroni and cheese, popped a juice box, and watched my kid fill her own plate and sit in a circle with the other band kids. The hum of laughter and parent conversation rose and fell around me, and later on, we all sat together on the bleachers and watched the halftime show under the Thursday night lights.

the post that wasn’t

1 Reply

It’s entirely emblematic of recent days around here that I laboriously typed out a long post about our very busy weekend and WordPress ate it.

I was GOING to tell you all about band camp pickup on Friday night, the kiddo’s birthday celebrations over the weekend, and a houseworky Sunday, all of which made me feel like I didn’t actually get a weekend at all.

There was going to be some gripping content about the horrors of band camp laundry when band camp was subjected to downpours and leaky teepees (yep) as sleeping quarters. You were going to be thrilled by rumors of bed bugs in the boys teepee! And the story of the kid who rolled down the hill with a bass drum! Not to mention the star of our tale, an exhausted teenager who ate next to nothing all week because the food was terrible and not vegetarian, slept the whole way home but rose again the next day to celebrate her birthday properly!

hey sarge

I was also going to tell you that I picked up two books at the library and have been plowing through them but I wasn’t going to tell you much about them because I’m saving that for a dedicated book post.

There was also going to be a teaser about the week ahead which is another corker, full of work stuff and kiddo stuff. Including two band performances (one at the first home football game!) and FRESHMAN ORIENTATION (how is this even possible?!) And a teenager and a mom who are completely tired out and cranky and not ready at all for the challenges of what’s ahead! It’s like Frodo and Sam with the ring! Except not!

There was also some stuff about us making candles, but I am also going to have to save that for a dedicated post because it’s now late, I have to finish this, I have to schedule it to publish sometime tomorrow, and I have to go to bed because as you may have already guessed, I am emotionally unprepared for another week to roll around.

I hope you are all well and that your week starts out with a bang and not a whimper like mine. xoxo

soggy tissues and sneezing on the cat

Leave a reply

Well friends, the last two weeks of April definitely challenged me. It was the most important time of year for my work goals & performance indicators, and it was (and continues to be) intense for the kiddo. Her schedule is full of daily track practice, weekly track meets, and theater rehearsals. All of which requires planning for transit, the appropriate nutrition, and very different sets of attire. This in addition to the usual schedule of work, remote and office days, school, regular appointments and meal planning. How do people have more than one active child and stay on top of it all?

After several hours last week at a particularly windy and frigid track meet – ankle deep in mud – I succumbed to the head cold that had been lingering in the wings waiting for a stage cue. The meet itself was well worth the discomfort- the kiddo’s stepmom and I were the only family members in attendance due to schedule conflicts. K and I get along well and I really enjoy her company and commitment to the kiddo. We watched the kid compete in shotput (where she placed first) and the 200-meter (where she took 4 seconds off her practice time). A successful outcome considering it was her first ever track meet!

And I always love that my goth kid is instantly recognizable in a sea of lookalike kids in hoodies and sweats. My kid will be the one warming up between events in a John Bender flannel, skeleton pajamas and a skull blanket.

My subsequent illness turned into a painful sinus infection and really kiboshed the weekend plans. I ran the kid to theater rehearsal and then went straight to Urgent Care. My Urgent Care is the best – I don’t even think they really care if I’m sick. I tell them “I have xx”, they take my blood pressure and look in my throat, prescribe horse pill antibiotics to my pharmacy of choice and I am merrily on my way. I spent the rest of the weekend in bed with Pot Roast. She is a constant nursemaid despite generally preferring Brandon and despising the explosive sneezing that has accompanied my illness. Maybe she just knew that in my weakened state, I could be easily dispatched with a soft paw on my jugular.

Other than sleeping, I plodded along with “Go Tell the Bees That I Am Gone”, the most recent Diana Gabaldon Outlander contribution. 39% in and my quick review: so far it’s not as interesting as her earlier efforts. (Spoiler: someone HAS already been eaten by a bear and that was kind of a high point. And there are a lot of the usual interjections of “Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ” from sassy Claire and sexy Jamie grinding out “Och Sassenach ye drive me mad” which make it a fine book for a sick day.)

I don’t have a finished object to show (I’m close!) so I’ll update you on my crafting with progress on my current cross-stitch.

Hope everyone is well and happy. I’m girding my loins for another intense week and hopefully less sneezing.

never enough time

Leave a reply

Friday flew by in a welter of activity, and I ran from my home office to the car to the middle school to the high school football field and then home again without missing a beat. The kiddo had school Halloween festivities and then a performance with the high school marching band at that night’s game and it went off without a hitch! Brandon and I were in the stands with a family friend and the other marching band & Scout as well as neighborhood parents and we were a proud cheering section.

The rest of the weekend was dedicated to meal planning and shopping, laundry, carving pumpkins and watching Charlie Brown. Brandon made an amazing beef tenderloin on Sunday and I crashed by 9. It’s another busy week ahead and I’m not mentally ready for it.

Life is good but there’s never enough time for all of the things that I want to do.

I hope you are all well and healthy and safe. Happy Monday.

a long short week

1 Reply

As expected this week has been a doozy, even if I wasn’t at work for 2 days. I don’t know why it has taken me so long to realize that sometimes a nice normal 40-hour workweek can be far easier than an abbreviated 3-day workweek full of “life stuff”.

The camp dropoff went well and I won’t see or hear from Miss L for over a week. She has entered the stage where she wanted no pictures taken and the sooner I left and stopped cramping her style, the better, ha. I hope she has a great time and meets a lot of nice kids. She’s been a trooper during this last year and a half and she deserves a summer of fun and friends. I already miss her, though, and am thinking about her all the time.

Upon arrival home in Suburban Elysia I was greeted by a storm cell of intense magnitude. It swept through my area with torrential rains, high straight-line winds, and hail. There were loud booms, pops, and cracks and when the rain and gale abated the damage was shocking. Trees uprooted, downed lines and branches, and flooding.

thankfully missed the neighbor’s house by inches

We are still without power in my neighborhood. Which I could look at and be super annoyed by. Instead, I’m choosing to be grateful that I had no property damage; that no one was hurt in the storm; and that it is cool at night and we are perfectly comfortable with no A/C and the windows open.

I am, however, entirely sick of the racket of generators all the time (we don’t have one – YET).

lunch break at a park near my office

The power outage at the home office pushed up my return to my actual office. We are still hybrid, so the office isn’t full, but I did see lots of familiar faces. Everyone looks perky and tanned and fit, as though they experienced major glow-up during isolation. By contrast, I trailed in pale, puffy and unwashed with a bad attitude and very little sleep from the generator racket all night. But I had French press coffee and was able to do my work and recharge all my devices. I’m trying to look for silver linings.

So I’m limping into the homestretch of the week. I’ve survived but not thrived. And that’s okay.

silver lining

friday five – two tannenbaums

1 Reply
  1. Holiday festivities have commenced. I don’t know how I ever handled a normal holiday season because it seems utterly overwhelming even with most things cancelled. Then again, maybe it feels like this because of the extra stress of COVID? See further musings on this in #5. I don’t know – but I’m not coping well with externals. We’re blowing through episodes of “Derry Girls” on Netflix to compensate (language warning for a lot of Irish ‘fecks’ but very funny).
  2. The tree has been up and decorated since the weekend after Thanksgiving and because I’m working from home, I’m actually wrapping in advance with color-coordinated wrapping paper on my lunch breaks. I feel good about this but no one should expect it in a normal year.

3. We LOVE Advent calendars at our house so we each got one (or two lol). I am so excited – I treated myself to a Moomin Advent calendar that can be played as a board game when all the pieces are unwrapped and a Legacy Fiber Artz mini skein calendar. (Anyone with any good patterns for mini skeins – a cowl maybe? – drop me a line!) Miss L has a Funko Pop Harry Potter calendar from the Order of the Phoenix and a traditional chocolate from her Neena. Brandon’s, however, is my fave. I found a wooden stand on Etsy and filled it with mini liquors. He likes whiskey so I tried to get a bunch of little ones for him to try (although there are a few cheapos like Fireball, peppermint schnapps, and Goldschlager mixed in to keep things fun).

4. You may remember that a few weeks back I lost a major chunk of my willow tree that narrowly missed the power lines. This has forced me to contract with a tree service for its removal in 6-8 weeks; but first DTE had to come clear the wires. It was actually pretty neat to see how they get between the houses using a very narrow machine that then opens up like a spider with a bucket on it. I feel sad about losing the old willow but every time it blows or ices I shudder with apprehension and I won’t miss THAT.

5. My life is like whack-a-mole right now. If I’m on top of shit at work, then I haven’t made eye contact with my family or gotten out to exercise in days and am shuffling around like a pale bloated Boo Radley. If I’m getting fresh air, exercising, eating right, getting good sleep, prepared for the holidays, staying on top of Miss L’s remote schoolwork and also being emotionally present for my family, then I feel like my to-do list at work is out of control. Maybe it’s just pandemic, but shouldn’t I have this under control and figured out by now? Shouldn’t it be easier because I don’t have to drive to an office? Why isn’t it? I know no one has answers and these are rhetorical questions but damn, how they persist.

I hope you are all well and safe during this December time and that your Secret Santa is timely and generous. And that if YOU’RE the Secret Santa, your recipient gives you some grace. xoxo