So, a few observations have crept up on me this fall / early winter.

I got on the scale a week or so ago and saw numbers that I’d never seen.
I went to the doctor for commonplace prescription refill and my weight & triglycerides were a topic of discussion.
I put on a dress for a presentation to Japanese auditors last week and literally felt like I’d been zipped into a corset all day – I couldn’t breathe. (It’s worth noting that this is a sleeveless tweed that I used to wear over long-sleeved t-shirts with boots because it was 2 sizes too big.)
We took a photo with aforementioned Japanese auditors at dinner and my face was like a round pale moon floating over my dish of eggplant parm.

I try to be health conscious. I rarely eat fast food, I exercise 3-4 days a week, I’m active, I do my own yardwork and housework. I run, I cook at home, I eat whole foods.

Oh, I gained the Freshman 15 (or 20) and I’ve gone through periods of my life where my weight has fluctuated. It’s always resolved itself, though, with a few very minor tweaks. And I’ve always been able to throw down on a pizza or a pumpkin pie with gusto and not feel or see any real effects.
Several years ago, during my ramp-up into regular running, and then during my divorce a year or so later, weight just melted off me and wouldn’t stay on. I got too thin, then bounced back to a healthy, happy weight, and from there it’s just been a gradual climb.

And this year the struggle has been real to even stay within the upper range of that healthy weight, and in the last six months, I have to admit that it’s gotten away from me.
I know that some of it is the natural aging process combined with hormone issues related to my contraceptive of choice, but everything I’ve tried – counting calories on my own, increasing exercise, limiting sugar – has not worked.

I pride myself on not being one to sit on my heels and wait for things to get worse, so, in an effort to stall the gradual but steady weight gain, I gave myself a firm talking-to. If something isn’t working, you have to figure out something that DOES, so – four days ago – I signed up for a month of Weight Watchers.

It might be rash to do this immediately before the holidays but once my mind is set, I don’t want to wait and dig myself deeper into a hole. I find it interesting that a few years ago, I tried to sign up for WW and couldn’t – they considered me already at or below my ideal healthy weight. My, how times have changed.

So I enrolled in the new Freestyle program and four days in, I’m finding it both easy / convenient and hellish at the same time. I love that I can track on my iPhone app, and that it connects to my Garmin to log my steps and workouts and give me activity points. I love that there are tons of zero-point foods so I don’t feel hungry, exactly (I just feel angry). I love that I have weekly points and rollover points so I can allocate treat meals or treat days or snacks and know that it will come out in the weekly wash, good days and less good days.
I know that it will get easier and I will feel less hateful and depressed. But right now I am in the first throes of deprivation, full of lean protein and vegetables and sadly lacking in carbs, alcohol, and sugar.

Cheers to getting and staying healthy and a jump start to 2018.